Flaws and all.

29 Oct 2014

” Once you’ve accepted your flaws no one can use them against you”- Anon.

For those that are Beyoncé fans no I’m not going to break into the tune Flaws and all (A fabulous song by the way) however I’ve decided that writing about our flaws isn’t necessarily a bad thing. No sympathy involved just writing away.

Whether you document them for all to see, whether you choose to shout them out loud or whether you choose to have a little conversation with yourself there’s nothing the matter with accepting that you have flaws.

A big question though? What on earth are flaws? I mean hell did someone just randomly make up that word to sum up the word imperfection? To hell with that we all have flaws.

A significant amount of individuals in the world today associate the word flaw with something that isn’t astatically pleasing such as their weight, their appearance, their sense of style, their health or the fact that they don’t fit in with the in crowd.

What I’ve noticed growing up is that people usually (I include myself in this sentence when I was younger) tend to attempt to be someone they’re not i.e. putting on a front to mask the insecurity you have.

There will be a few of you reading this thinking that what I’ve just said couldn’t be farther from the truth and maybe you’re right however when it comes to our flaws they tend to be something that we mask in order to erase the true concerns glaring us in the face. Flaws can overwhelm us especially when you approach the situation and worry that discussing that flaw with a third party can be dismissed and brushed to one side.

With me there are various emotions I’ve had when addressing what I perceive to be my flaws.

First and foremost I was never a person that put on a significant amount of weight.

As you well know I’ve always been a sweet tooth chocolate was my be all and end all. I drank fizzy drinks like they were going out of fashion and I never had any form of dental work done in the process.

I studied hard at school, would prance about dancing around looking like I didn’t have a care in the world and family were my everything.

Many would be overjoyed with that however to me it wasn’t enough.

I was concerned about my appearance, about the way I was perceived to others and whether I was constantly “Doing the right thing” .

I would come across as a girl with a bubbly personality however a one striving to be caring about the ones I loved however carefree about all anything that was irrelevant in my life.

As I look back I see a young girl lost on occasion. This thought pattern would get me down because it felt like I was overcompensating my personality to be something I wasn’t on a daily basis. This was of my own making. This I’ve realised has taken time and a hell of a lot of conversations with councillors along my nearest and dearest to eventually tackle.

Upon receiving my Epilepsy diagnosis many moons ago this worry would be magnified.

This worry about my personality would be enhanced because now with my Epilepsy in my mix questions would crop up particularly when my behaviour was concerned. Questions such as what would people think about my condition , would telling my friends about my Epilepsy result in my friendships taking a knock, whether I should be what others wanted me to be to get ahead or bare my flaws for all to see.

My family loved me for who I was therefore why couldn’t I?

This is the thing with flaws you get yourself in a muddle however what is apparent in all flaws is that you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t have them. It’s like making mistakes you’re only human. To this day I would possibly say that my flaws have altered as the years have gone by.

To name a few my inconsistency when having group conversations by adding as much content as possible into the conversation incase I forget, the taking on different voices to represent others when I talk or the whittering on about random things is just a part of me.

Instead of constantly trying to change who I am I’m learning to embrace what I am and that’s a person that likes to have a plan, a person that wants to give her all into everything she does and a person that knows in time that the mini victories I set for myself will eventually be achieved. This all comes with acceptance and experience.

Why be a person that wants everything yesterday? Why not save some for tomorrow or the day after, or the day after that?

If you were perfect life would be pretty mundane and downright boring because no goals would need to set, the pitfalls that make you a stronger person would never come and the want to be a better person would never be achieved. Life is about more knocks than successes and to rise above is a truly remarkable thing particularly when our Epilepsy is concerned.

As for the remainder of the two weeks..

The family’s all good. Benny well that Cat makes me laugh on a regular basis. If his paws aren’t parked on the chair, they’re parked on the beanbag or on the upstairs sofa bed. That cat is literally everywhere. He eats me out of house and home, he meows for England and bringing in field mice are becoming a regular thing.

He’s worse than a small child. Biased as I may be he’s an adorable boy and a one that doesn’t half make his mam proud.

My usual Saz ritual of eating healthy and exercising regularly has well and truly gone out of the window. After giving myself a long talking to this morning I have decided that the only way forward is to concentrate on my exercise, my healthy eating and general wellbeing. The house is stocked with all things healthy and the T25 is recommencing tomorrow evening. I cannot wait to get back up and crack on!

No other news to share but you know me I love to talk therefore any further findings will be shared as and when.

To conclude today’s post. Accepting your flaws is something that takes time, it’s not as simple as clicking those fingers and off they go. As the quote says you accept you and there’s no comeback worthy of any tears when they’re thrown. If you can appreciate who you are then who cares about what others think of you.

The morale of this post is if people don’t like you then fuck them they aren’t in your shoes and you cannot go on living life trying to accommodate others.

People come, people go and unfortunately when it comes to any condition we strive to be better and stronger that’s what gets us out of bed on a morning. That should be what we should hold onto not the worries of others. It’s what my family would call the walk of life.

There are bound to be things that you want to amend however some things cannot be altered and that’s when acceptance should come into play, just like there are bound to be people who either see you as a threat or are jealous of you.

What is unique is that we all have a life to live, a story to tell and a gimmick to share.

You are who you are and that should be enough. If you feel there’s an element of your life that needs to be changed then evaluate what changes need to occur and on the benefit you’re not hurting others then do it.

Life is too short to be worried about things that aren’t relevant. You need to put you first so start doing it flaws and all.



Overcoming worry, anxiety and learning to cope with epilepsy. I dedicate this blog to my family and to all those people out there who thought the possible was impossible. Life isn’t about doing everything yesterday it’s about finding acceptance and taking your time. This blog has been created to document my findings and to allow others to understand that they are not alone. I have tried my best to collate these concerns for others to read should they wish. The intention is to not only address my concerns of my condition however I also intend to address my daily struggles whilst giving an insight as to what my days entail.

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