talkhealth Blog

This isn’t a normal blog post for me, but I believe that I have a rather unique perspective on the issue of dating. Therefore, this post is written to women and men everywhere, but especially the ones who claim that chivalry is dead. 

It kills me to see young women lower their standards for guys, because I think these women are doing a disservice to both themselves and the male population.  Lowering one’s standards is not something that women do consciously, but it starts with things like “no guy opens the car door anymore” and then all of a sudden we stop expecting the guy to “woo” us.  

It’s Only Dead When we Stop Expecting It:

I am not the average 21 year old and I have not had the typical college career.  In fact, I’ve barely made it to my senior year in school and have had to fight very hard to stay at school.

Despite everything that I’ve been through, something that has never ceased to amaze me is how certain guys I have dated, have stepped up to the plate when I have become ill and genuinely taken care of me.   I am an extremely strong and independent female.  I like to do things myself and take great pride in my ability to survive, but sometimes I just can’t do it on my own, sometimes I need help, and that is something I have just had to accept. I want to say that this has nothing to do with feminism and I do not in any way think that women are inferior to men, but instead it stems from real life experience and my opinions on this issue. 

I never once went into a relationship planning to get sick or expecting them to take care of me if I did get sick, but even without those expectations, certain guys, really showed their love and respect for me by helping me deal with my health issues.   Lets be real for a minute, if a 21-year-old guy can carry his post surgery girlfriends books to class every single day until she is strong enough to do it herself, don’t you think every guy should be able to open the door for their date?  

And if a college guy can hook his girlfriend up to IV fluids every single night for almost 4 months, can’t your date take the time to make reservations?  It’s not that we can’t open the door ourselves or make our own reservations, but rather when a guy is chivalrous and opens our door, pulls out our chair, calls to make reservations and pays for the bill, it shows us that they are willing to put our needs above their own immediate needs.  

The point that I’m fumbling around trying to make, is that when we stop expecting guys to “woo” us, we stop respecting ourselves and stop expecting them to respect us as well.  In my experience with an illness, guys are capable of a lot more than we sometimes give them credit for or expect from them, and if we don’t expect it from them, why would they put forth the effort?

It Take Two to Tango

All this being said, relationships are a partnership; it truly takes two to tango.  What’s the point of dancing if you are dancing all alone?

Despite being ill and needing help with my health.  I always find ways to show that I care in relationships.  It looks different in every relationship, sometimes it’s as simple as making cookies or surprising them with a small gift.  Other times, its spending quality time together or writing notes , and other times watching their favorite sports game, means the world to them!  The point is that just as we should expect the guy to be chivalrous, he should expect us to put effort into the relationship as well, it’s a two way street.

I know that personally, my love language is gift-giving, so I tend to show the other person that I care by surprising them with small gifts or buying them well though out gifts.  But everyone’s love language looks different, the trick is to identify yours, and hone that skill!
  
Like I said before, this isn’t my normal type of post, but it’s something that I feel is extremely important.   I also have a unique perspective on the issue due to living through college with Crohns Disease in my not so normal life.