Broken Crayons.

17 Dec 2014

“Broken crayons still colour”- Anon.

I’ve chosen this quote for one reason and that’s because life is made of obstacles.

As you can probably see from my last post it’s been a while since I’ve blogged this is purely down to the fact that life gets in the way.

My condition can be an obstacle within itself that on occasion can prevent me from taking the necessary time to write to you all and spread the awareness that I long to do by writing Sazzle’s blog on a regular basis.

Over the past few weeks I’ve watched my shakes come in waves, make me question my ability and test my strength beyond comprehension.

My mind has worked ninety to the dozen however I refuse to be defeated and have decided that when it comes to my condition that remaining as stress free as I can; can assist the complications that Epilepsy usually brings however it can also give me that sense of certainty in an uncertain world.

As I read the quote above I realise that we don’t always have to have the perfect plan in order to succeed, that life throws up so many questions of which we cannot necessarily answer there and then and that irrespective of a condition you can still have a fulfilled life on the basis you adopt the right attitude.

Previous posts have suggested that my personal journey with Epilepsy wasn’t the smoothest and although I wasn’t frequently having seizures my mental frame of mind was the one that tested me the most.

Having that sense of not belonging because of a condition out of my control was something I didn’t want to come up against, merge that with growing up and in my opinion it was a recipe for disaster.

As I’ve grown older I’ve realised that I wasn’t the only one.

To me I felt like the broken crayon because I didn’t feel normal, apprehension would kick in and I would usually say to my family that “I’m making the best of a bad job”.

As I look back at the obstacles I thought I was facing I don’t hang my head in shame I analyse the person I once was and appreciate that life isn’t solely about consequence and sadness it’s about embracing the person you truly are, focusing on what you’re good at and not necessarily homing on the rougher times.

I was never a girl that necessarily coloured within the lines that was probably because I shook ninety to the dozen!

Instead of crying I decided that crying wasn’t getting me anywhere therefore decided that enough was enough and that a picture didn’t always have to be perfect in order to stand out. Being perfect was boring. It looked marvellous on the surface however the flaws made the picture what it was and that was mine.

Broken crayons are exactly the same, they aren’t shiny and new however they still make the prettiest patterns. Ironic as this may sound but I associate broken crayons with my journey with Epilepsy.

Many may question why.

Maybe it’s because we define normal as something that is perfect i.e. the perfect life, the trimmest physique, the perfect family, the perfect partner, the job that gives you the life you think you ought to be accustomed to… the list goes on.

What people don’t understand is that life isn’t perfect. In fact no one is.

As I’ve written numerous times before Epilepsy affects so many across the world that are fighting the fight they so long to say that they’ve finally won. Epilepsy is a condition that is not widely addressed and it’s such a shame that it isn’t.

Christmas time is approaching. Usually we relate Christmas to happier times a one with family however on the flip side many dread because there’s that feeling of being alone even though you’re not on your own.

I remember as a child praying that I wouldn’t have a seizure on Christmas day incase I ruined everyone’s Christmas. How wrong was I? You’re not ruining anything it cannot be helped and you know what?

People are there regardless for you therefore remain strong and when you’re feeling a little better have double the helpings of the Christmas lunch and sneak a couple of sweet treats in your pocket when no-ones looking. I know I’ve done that a fair few times!

As for the remainder of my week..

Finally some time to relax as Santa is coming down the chimney!

Now I don’t want that frown because you’re saying “How can she still believe in Santa when she’s 29 years old” well I have news for you there the day you stop believing in Santa is the day you stop believing in Christmas therefore one word of advice.. Keep believing!

Exercise wise my heart isn’t in it however instead of making that new years resolution and saying “Well I’ve got to eat healthier in the new year” I will say that I need to get my arse into gere and start exercising regularly.

When it comes to food 2015 will be about preparing meals in advance, freezing them and taking them out to prevent the snacking. No promises on the other hand will be made when it comes to my chocolate consumption. It shall be reduced but never forgotten.

To conclude today’s post….

In my opinion broken crayons are the best ones in the pack.

At first it frustrates you because they don’t all look the same however they are what they are because they’re different. They’re the first crayon you see and they’re the ones that scribble the best.

Whether it be Epilepsy or life in general we all have to be happy and go along the path that makes you happy.

The amount of times I’ve said that acceptance is key is beyond me. It’s about time I started taking my own advice and if you want to then by all means do. Never underestimate your strength because like that crayon you can still colour.



Overcoming worry, anxiety and learning to cope with epilepsy. I dedicate this blog to my family and to all those people out there who thought the possible was impossible. Life isn’t about doing everything yesterday it’s about finding acceptance and taking your time. This blog has been created to document my findings and to allow others to understand that they are not alone. I have tried my best to collate these concerns for others to read should they wish. The intention is to not only address my concerns of my condition however I also intend to address my daily struggles whilst giving an insight as to what my days entail.

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