Sometimes I forget how hard it is for people to be in my life. I forget that me being sick is hard on other people as well as hard on me.  Maybe it is because it hurts me to know that it hurts those around me and I don’t like to feel that hurt.  Or maybe it is because I get so wrapped up in my own experience of being sick that I forget to realize how it is impacting those around me.

But the other day, reading my mom’s post about “I’ve been hit” was hard.  I know that I can handle what goes on in my life.  New symptom, I think “no big deal, I’ll watch it for a week, track my symptoms, do some research and I’ll be fine.  If I find something worth sharing, I’ll call my parents and then maybe call the doctor.”  That’s honestly my train of thought.

Or if it’s an acute symptom, I think, “let me check my heart rate and blood pressure, am I dehydrated, or did I eat something that could have gotten stuck.  No? okay, well before I do anything rash like go to the ER, let me call my sister in law (who is an NP).  If she says I need to go, then I’ll go, but I’d really rather not.”  

I deal with my own experience very rationally, I don’t think about how I feel, I instead focus on how I am going to deal with the issue at hand.  But those around me can’t deal with the issue, all they are left with is feeling: feeling scared, feeling worried and feeling a hurt for me.  It’s like the less I feel, the more they feel.  And that is hard for me to see, to know that me being sick hurts the hearts of those around me.  To know that when I am sick and in pain, they are sick with worry and all because they love me.

I wish that I could absorb all the pain and that no one around me had to feel the hurt of being sick.  I know I can handle it, I mean it’s my life, I am always fine.  But I can’t control if those around me can handle what is going on and I’ve seen first hand what happens when they can’t.  Just like they can’t take away my pain, I can’t take away their hurt so instead we live each day, moment by moment, praying for peace and dealing with suffering in our not so normal life.


Sarah Brocker

Hi my name is Sarah Brocker and I have Crohn's Disease. I've got 8 scars and am missing two feet of intestines and my life isn't normal, but whose life is normal? I want to use my experiences to help you, even if it means sharing embarrassing experiences. I am also looking to break the stigmas associated with IBD in order to make living with IBD just a little bit easier. All I want to do is help, so please, let ME help YOU!

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