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Postby searchingforanswers on Tue Dec 18, 2018 7:52 pm

Hi. Basically i'm 26 and have never had sex because its so uncomfortable. A (pretty uninterested) gynaecologist passed it off as vaginismus (which it may well be) 4 years ago but I often get bad clitoral pains (not when im having sex or even thnking about my vag so its not psychological) I feel like clit pains etc and pain during intercourse might be a connected and PHYSICAL problem, rather than being separate and the sex part being 'all in my head' as they say. What do you think? I also had a prob in childhood where my vagina fused together (apparently normal and has no connection) but its like.....there are quite a few physical factors here, right? Maybe its not in my head.

I know you will tell me to go through the gyn process but its not simple, I live in Afghanistan as an ESOL teacher. And also I went through thw process before in UK..they just gave me dildos and not much else. :(
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Postby IzzyLou99 on Fri Apr 19, 2019 6:23 pm


Sorry to hear about your problem. I understand your frustration at this, I too have dealt with what could possibly be vaginismus, and is also having a bad knock on mental effect.

Im in mblate 20s, and started having pain during sex almost 2 years ago. I got checked at the clinic and doctors and everything is clear. Maybe there was a slight infection or something originally causing the pain, but now it may just be happening because I'm expecting the pain. It's become a huge mental block in my life, and i have almost completely lost all desire for sex. Luckily I have a very understanding boyfriend, who is amazing, and doesn't put pressure on me. but I often struggle worrying that is causing a burden to our relationships future.

I have tried a few things to try help relax, sometimes this helps. But not all the time. I read a play called 'skin a cat' about a woman with vaginismus, you may find interesting. Based on real life. I'm also currently reading a book called 'come as you are' by Emily nagowski. Won't get rid of your pain, but may help a little with the mental pressure vaginismus can make you outnon yourself.

Sorry if this isn't too helpful. I've realised since going through all this how it isn't as rare as you may think though, but enough people don't talk about it. And it doesn't feel easy to find help. But you're not alone.

Have you looked into counselling options? I was trying to through the nhs because I can't afford to pay for private, but so far I haven't found my gp too helpful.
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