losing my erection

[Keithblight]

hi I have no problem getting an erection during Flore play but soon as I start to have sex it immediately goes soft and even going back to Flore play nothing seems to work it's getting me down and also my wife although she says it's ok I feel I have got us worked up and then I let us both down I have never had a problem before as we have four kids I don't want to keep letting her down the last time we tried I was thinking please don't go soft as we started but it did iam 53 is this a age thing I went to doctors to talk about it but I got embarrassed and pretended I had something else wrong with me please help if you can recommend something thanks keith

[Ian Roxburgh]

I can really empathise with you on this one. It really does sound, from what you describe, as if this is an anxiety problem rather than something wrong physically. In my experience, GP’s are very sympathetic towards this sort of thing. S/he will rule out any physical problems and suggest access to help with strategies for getting over any anxiety issues. Go for it.

[Mr Oliver Kayes]

Pop in for a chat. A quick health check will reassure that all is well and perhaps try some medication. There certainly an overlap between anxiety and performance which may not all be physical.

[Keithblight]

Thanks for getting back to me not sure what you mean when you say pop in for a chat iam new to this

[Oliver Wiseman]

Certainly a chat with your GP would be sensible. There are some tests which can be done to check there is no physical reason for the erections not being so good, but it sounds as if the problem may be psychological. Sometimes some psychosexual counselling or use of a tablet like viagra can help overcome any anxiety, and then when you have more confidence again you may not need the medication.

[Keithblight]

Ok will try thanks for your help

[Mr Oliver Kayes]

Sorry Keith if I was a little ambiguous. I think I would start by chatting with you GP to get the ball rolling and get some face to face advice.

[Lorraine Grover]

Thank you so much for telling us this. I have many patients who experience what you describe and ‘bottle out’ talking about it! You describe what is called ‘performance anxiety’ as well as erectile dysfunction as your head takes over control. The more you want to stay hard the more difficult it becomes because you are thinking so much about your penis and not letting your wife down. Bernie Zilbergeld has written a book called The New Male Sexuality that men can find helpful to read to help understand how your thoughts have can an impact. Talking to your doctor is a great idea as they can check there is no underlying ill health causing the problem. They can also prescribe tablets (as long as there is no reason why you cannot take them) such as sildenafil (Viagra) or tadalafil (Cialis) that can help you keep an erection. They can then help you get your confidence back and break the negative cycle of thoughts that have developed. Remember Keith we are used to talking about sexual difficulties with patients and totally understand that our patients are not. Go for it.