Once Pretty, Now Monsterous.

[natasharae612]

Well, Im new here. Im desperate. Im devastated. I basically do NOT want to exist anymore.
A backstory; am I alone?

Perfect teenage skin. Lucky me. Looking back now, I'd give anything to have it the other way around. The SECOND I turned 21 my face
exploded. I was a pretty, pretty girl. Not a brat, but a humble, charismatic, gentle soul who loved and loved to give and help. Once my
face unfoiled its evilness, I became the sadest human being alive. I spent the better part of two years locked away in my home, only coming out to go to work, where I had to be the face of the business. Humiliating. Only to add to my depression, social anxiety, introversion and devastating self esteem, nothing I tried worked. People kept mentioning my acne, pointing it out to me...seriously? THANKS!
I spent hundredssss of dollars trying every home/store remedy available. I spent another thousand(s) at dermatologists trying different medications. Three years of Minocycline pill and a Clindamyacin cream, I finally got that pretty girl back. That beautiful soul I missed so much. In turn, I ruined my blood, I destroyed my body. I bruised at the slightest touch and had ridiculous CBC counts. SO, I stopped. MAGICALLY! my face stayed clear! I had, certainly, my "period" breakouts, whatever. I'll take those, no biggie. A gentle membership to Proactive helped that, very very well.

THEN. I screw up and get pregnant. Again, the second I set down that damn pee stick, my face, again, EXPLODED into a massacre of the most horrific, scary, painful, burning, giant cystic acne, much much worse than I have ever seen on my face. Now, I CANT take pills. I am screwed.
This time around, being it worse, hormonal, and NO doctor will HELP ME!!! I am Beyond the lowest of low. I cant look in mirrors, I cry cry cry! My skin BURNS all the time. ALL the time. Proactive quit working. I cant take Rx because of this Damned pregnancy. And for most knocked up mommas, their problem goes away after a couple months. Im in month 5 and its only getting worse.
I; about 2 weeks ago started this routine,
wash my face with a gentle cleanser (Cetaphil Gentle Antibacterial bar soap)
I use a Raw Honey smother and twice a week a brown sugar scrub. Natural...right?
Witch Hazel, and Apple Cider Vinager toner
followed by a Tea Tree oil spot treatment.
After all this is said and done, I am in tears because my skin BURNS like acid. Is that bad?????? I mean, my brain says YES thats bad...but its a natural remedy, why is it burning me???? My skin is so fragile now..
Every other night I bomb myself with Benz/Perox 10% spot treatment. But lets face it, they arent spots, its my entire face. SO I wake up the next morning with a scabbing flaking burning complexion. Just kill me.
I cant handle this the rest of this pregnancy, and lets ALSO face that I have to breast feed (personal morals) and I STILL wont be able to take a medication. Im leaning on NOT breast feeding. But god, how can I starve my child of whats best?

I have a Retinal A Wrinkle cream that Im going to start using....does anyone have thoughts or advice on this?
Am I doing this wrong??? Should I go back to proactive??? Should I try the doctors again??

HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Im to the point where I hATE myself, I hate my life, I hate that Im pregnant, I hate that this is happening to me after I fought YEARS and thousands of dollars to finally get some shred of dignity back into my life and NOW Im worse off than before and completely clueless! helpless! Im ready to give up. I cant live my life locked away. Im 28 years old, I cant afford to spend another TWO Years locked away in a room so I dont scare people. I work in high fashion around gorgeous woman, just kill me.

I will NEVER get pregnant again if this is what is going to happen.
I need help, I need support, I need a freaking hug. I havent let anyone touch me in months, I feel gross, ugly and that people think Im dirty.

I dont want this. I need advice.

[talkhealth]

Hello and thank you for joining the talkhealth forums and posting in our acne forum.

Really sorry to hear you've had such an awful time. I hope you can find some inspiration and help and advice here. What many people with a skin problem don't realise is that the emotional issues are far more upsetting a lot of the time and can lead to times of great sadness and depression.

I'm not sure if you are aware but we are running an online clinic on mental health from 17-23 October with a panel of medical experts on hand to answer questions. It may well be worth you posting in this clinic as our experts can then offer you some advice. viewforum.php?f=325

I do hope things get better for you and your can start to enjoy your pregnancy and all the happiness that can bring.

[kevinbrown]

You don't have to risk your pregnancy for such a thing. Go for proper medication and you will be fine. I have seen so many women facing this problem. You just need to be quite patient.

[bryan142]

I have had similar feelings with my skin and i know what its like to have great skin untill hitting the age of 21. Its the same story with me but not as bad as yours, sorry! I had really sensitive skin and it got to the point where i couldnt put anything on my face because it would just burn and make my face swollen and even more red than it already was. I tryed all the natural topicals both bought and home made and nothing did the trick. I started drinking almost 2 gallons of water a day with the idea that it would help keep my body clean and hydrated. This helped with alot with the burning feeling. My sholders even started to get acne and my shirts would cause pain. I started looking at products made in Europe and i came across a liquid acne supplement that you drink rather than apply to your skin. Pills didnt work for me so i gave this a try. I had to wait about 2 months for this product to make it to southern california where i live and when i got it the bottles cap had been broken and all the product had spilled into the plastic bag it was wraped in. I almost gave up and then i was at my local organic health food store and a rep for a vitamin company approched me and gave me a sample of there liquid acne solution. This was similar to what i had ordered from Europe but made here in california. Ive been taking this product for about 4 months and my skin dosnt burn anymore and my cystic acne has become very minor compared to what it used to be. I didnt notice any changes for the first 3 days but i woke up on the 4th day and the swelling from all my acne had reduced drasticaly. I have only had 3 new zits in the past 3 months and my face looks much better and i keep seeing improvements. Even my acne scares have become less noticeable. This stuff changed my life. Its made up of a pharmaceutical grade of the vitamin b5 but can be bough over the counter. I know you have kid on the way and so dose my cousin in texas. She is 27 with really bad acne and her doctor cleared her to take this product because its loaded with vitamins and no chemicals. The product is called "clear complexion b5" and from what ive seen it could be the solution for you as well.

[TeeJay79]

This is quite an old thread now and I hope you're feeling better. I would say to just back off with all the products you're using on your face. Something isn't working so go back to basics. Also, remember that just because a product is natural, it doesn't mean that it can't be harsh. Natural things can still be very strong.

Pregnancy is a scary time anyway, there are so many changes happening in your body, the stress can't be helping either.
Don't rule out being able to take medications when you're breastfeeding, talk to your doctor about it, or get in touch with one of the breastfeeding associations, they know exactly what you can take.

Good luck.