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At 13 I stopped eating. I didn't know what Anorexia was but that was my diagnosis. At 14 it became something else; a hidden and unspecified eating disorder. I later understood that I had both Anorexic and bulimic tendencies.

I am now 40. I am a bit of a gym addict and I eat healthily/well as a result (can't train if I don't). I have not had an episode of anorexia or builimia in many years but I NEVER buy packets of biscuits (I suspect most bulimics will understand why not). I won a charity food hamper yesterday. I gave everything except the bottle of wine and the packet of chocolate hobnobs to the foodbank immediately (and I was in 2 minds over those hobnobs, I tell you). I am now kicking myself for not donating those too.

Last evening I got some bad news.

A few hours ago my toilet bowl ended up full of regurgitated chocolate and blood but still I could not stop. I am now empty and drained and I have a bit of a sore throat (that's probably why the blood) and nobody is more surprised than I am to realise that I am still, after 27 years, perhaps eating disordered ever after

Hi,
I read your post and I think you should visit a doctor and tell him everything that you are facing related to an eating disorder.
Thanks.

To find people with an eating disorder is very simple. When you are about to tell someone about your own eating disorder, you must be mindful about choosing the right time and place—ideally somewhere private where you won’t be rushed or interrupted.

Because eating disorders have serious emotional, medical, and nutritional consequences, it’s important to have a team of professionals that can address every aspect of your problem. As you search, focus on finding the right fit—professionals who make you feel comfortable, accepted, and safe.

I don't think any eating disorder - or other psychiatric illness - can ever be "cured". The brain and mind has its ways. And the brain - the disorder - cannot be changed. It can be managed with lots of advice, support and love from family and friends. But it never goes away. Sadly, so many women, girls, men and even boys have eating disorders in this modern world. I do believe it can be treated and managed, but never cured. Nothing ever truly goes away.

I can understand the frustration and pain of an eating disorder, so I can relate in some ways to those with such a condition. I would advise anyone seek medical help if they think they have an eating disorder. It may take months - even years - to work through issues, but it is so, so worth it. Because no one is alone with their pain. Even those calling us fat have their weight insecurities. But they won't tell others that.