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Social relationships of extremely introvert man

Posted: Fri Aug 05, 2022 9:44 am
by movie_buff
First of all, I don't expect from other people to solve my problems and fears. I just felt that it would help me if I would share my experiences with other people, even under alias since I'm to shy to go under my real identity. I have a lot of troubles with connecting to other people of any sex in any way. I don't have any friends. Of course, I haven't ever had a girlfriend even thought I'm in my early twenties. I'm a very introvert man and never really wanted to hang out with people. But that doesn't mean that I love situation in which I am either. I think that I would be more than happy to have just one best friend, which would happen to be my wife too. That would be more than enough for me to feel happy. But, I feel that that is just out of my reach. There are many reasons why. I have an extremely negative opinion about myself. I have so many different fears from many things and don't get along well with people at all. My mother has beeing saying to me since my childhood that anyone who spend 5 minutes with me already can't stand me. I'm finishing college but I'm figuring even if I manage to have a good career, with a decently payed job, to do a job that I like, I would still be very unhappy because of my loneliness. Therefore, when I'm thinking about myself, I feel that I am a very unsuccessful person, just because there is simply no way for me to have a wife, possibly kids and family of my own. Although according to my therapist I'm not unsuccessful, I feel that potentional successes in career cannot be supstitute for unsuccessfull family life. I just think that human isn't made to live alone. Why do I think that I can't have a life like that? Well, I'm not feeling comfortable among other people. I'm always feeling awkward and think that people around me think that I'm a weirdo, or crazy or whatever negative. I always have a priori negative opinion on people I don't know very well or at all. I'm not even seeing other people that often since I don't have any friends. I'm going to cinema, theater or anywhere alone. I'm not speaking with my colleagues on college. Rather, I'm standing alone at the corner looking at my phone because I'm too afraid and fear that I would say something stupid and that they would think that I'm weird or crazy or whatever. I'm actually quite a lot terrified from other people, thinking that nobody would ever want to hang out with me even if I would try. And finally, I'm just so shy. It not so bad for a girl, because man are usually flirting with women and they just have to answer, not to start anything. As a conservative person like I am, I feel that it is a little bit inadequate when girl start flirting with a man but that just closes the bubble I created around me. I would like to hang out with and marry a nice, pretty, intelligent, decent girl that doesn't behave too much freely but I'm too shy to aproach such a girl. One could say, therefore, that I like situation in which I am right now but that just isn't the case. I actually felt great and awkward at the same time during my practice work because I had to hang out and talk with my temporary colleagues informally. I was especially glad to spend some time with one female colleague as well. In company of other people of course. She is very beautiful, nice, kind, has a wonderful smile and is a several years older than me, but I don't care. I guess that I'm pretty much in love with her and from everything I learned about her during that short period of time I think that I would marry her but that's just not going to happen. I think that no normal girl would ever want to marry me. I would best describe myself as a walking fear. I can't imagine a normal, reasonable girl have a crush on a guy like that. I was that shy that I haven't even ask her if she has an social media account. I just don't know how to burst that bubble around me and not to be unhappy and sad anymore. Any kind word would mean a world to me, thank you in advance.

Re: Social relationships of extremely introvert man

Posted: Thu Aug 11, 2022 1:33 pm
by MissCandyGirl
You're not alone with your feelings. Many years ago, I felt the same way: I was so insecure and shy. I couldn't connect to anyone. I isolated myself out of fear: the way you're doing. Your mum was wrong to say what she did to you: I don't know your mum but I would ask her to be supportive towards you and build up your relationship with her based on that. I am sure if your mum knew how you felt, she'd be loving and supportive.

Before you can marry a girl, you need to get to know her: declaring true love and marriage on the first date will scare her off: not because she doesn't find you attractive, but because that is just too intense. Build up that connection and relationship slowly.

Also, good on you for trying your best in your life: you got on with your education/you got a job and you have so much more going for you. Plus, being an introvert isn't the end of the world: it just seems everyone is outgoing, but not all girls like outgoing guys. In fact, some outgoing guys are utter idiots and too big-headed for their own good. I'd have no desire to marry such a man.

You DON'T need to be the loudest in the room: real confidence comes from inside your heart. Good self esteem is the key to building up connections with others. See yourself in a positive light:

1. What skills do you have? Are you a genius with a computer?
2. What do you have to offer a potential girlfriend?
3. What do you like about your appearance?
4. How could you improve your appearance?
5. What social skills do you have deep down? Humour? Wit? Sensitivity?
6. What do you like about yourself? About what you give yourself?

Think about how to answer these questions. Basically, you've got to learn to accept that you're an introvert. That is who you are: learn to see the value in being an introvert. Again, not all girls want a loud mouthed braggart. Sure, many girls DO like guys like that but not every girl.

Like also attracts like. Do you enjoy going to the cinema? Invite a girl out who also loves the cinema. Are you good at tennis? Invite out a girl who a tennis session. You get the gist.

Learn to feel good about yourself and accentuate the positive.