whats the matter with my head?

[amelie]

Hello. I am a 25 year old female and was wondering if i could get an opinion if i should maybe visit my GP or not, i don't know if i have a problem or not anymore.
Basically i'm having a great deal of trouble controlling my behaviour at times. More recently over a number of months i have been behaving extremely recklessly, more so than usual and it is having a detrimental effect on my life. I always used to be careful with money for instance but now i just spend the lot, without thinking, act in a totally stupid way because i think everything is fine, for instance going out getting too drunk and making an idiot out of myself but feeling great. I have also been driving a lot and speeding and my mood is all over the place. i get very frustrated with stupid things and get angry. i've been starving myself, pushing all my family and friends away. i cant seem to remember anything anymore. then after the episode of erratic behaviour i get really depressed and hate myself. the most recent time when that happened i stopped going out for an entire month. its like i dont realise what im even doing at the time then reality hits. from this my relationship has ended and ties with my friends have become very strained. i dont feel like a person anymore and i dont even know who i am. i also cant sleep properly because when i go to bed i get overwhelmed with dispair over the thought of death. I Also sometimes feel like im going to die when i try to sleep, my ears start ringing and i cant move and it feels like theres evil ghosts in my room, once i felt something sit on my chest and it is terrifying but i cant move or scream. this happens multiple times a night, now im starting to hallucinate faces and the sound of a tiny fly. i go from feeling excited over nothing at all and feeling really good to being in utter despair where i feel sick at myself. i also cant judge things correctly anymore and i cannot make the simplest of descisions, like what do i want to eat? i dont know if i really do know what i want because i find my thoughts hard to trust.
but the feelings of dispair and excitement and happiness and being lonely are all starting to become merged and i feel these emotions all at the same time. i am also a self harmer and have been for many years.
sometimes i just think everybody would be happier and life would be better if i wasn't here
i can also guarantee i'll see this tomorrow and wonder what on earth was i thinking because im even starting to feel happy again now.
thanks for listening to my drivel..

[Mental Health Foundation]

Thank you for getting in touch. It’s not quite clear whether you have in the past spoken to your GP or other health professional about how you feel. But from what you say, we think it is almost certainly a good idea for you to visit your GP as soon as possible. GPs generally have a very good understanding of mental health issues and should be able to offer you not just immediate advice and possibly treatment, but should also be able to discuss with you a range of specialist services that may be helpful. In the meantime, I know you say your relationships with your friends and family are strained, but if you can you may also find it helpful to talk through some of your feelings with either a trusted friend or member of your family.

Specifically on your difficulty in sleeping, you might like to look at our pocket Sleep Well guide. This includes simple ways to improve your 'sleep hygiene', and is designed to help people get a good night’s sleep. The link to this guide is http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/content/ ... w=Standard.

While I hope that may be helpful, our advice remains to go and see your GP as soon as possible to discuss how you are feeling.