Could I have bipolar?
Moderators: talkhealth, Geckoella
Could I have bipolar?
This is a long story... But if a professional can help me understand what's going on in my mind it's really appreciated
About early/mid January me 2011 me and my boyfriend split up, but a couple months before he started to be incredibly hurtful to me, calling me fat/ugly ect. So eventually hearing these things being said to me it started to dwell in my mind that I was, so I started to skip meals and not eat, but then when we did finish, I started to become extremely sad and depressed 24/7. I would wake up in the morning, go to school and talk to near enough no one and then come home and basically baracade myself in my room. But then one night I was in the shower and I had started to find that when I was in the shower it made my tears disapear, (as stupid as that sounds) then I saw my cheap 2 bladed razor, next thing I'm taking it apart to get these blades out and dragging them over my veins and thighs. So when I realised, hey! This makes me think less about how sh*t my life is and how no one even cares to notice how sad I actually am ect and more about where I'm gonna do it next and how much blood there is. Every night I would make a point of going for a shower just so I could cut myself. As time went by, I stopped doing it less and less, never fully stopped though. My ex was literally using me just to have sex with me, and when I sat and thought about it I went and cut myself more carving worthless ect into my skin. Then, one day in febuary/march I found myself standing on the edge of a bridge. I don't, to this day, really know how I ended up there but there I was all I really remeber was looking down at the ground only the bottom and then to the side of me, where there was flowers for someone who done the same thing I was about to do a few weeks later, I read the card and started crying, then just stood staring at these flowers for about an hour. And ended up in my bed crying yet again. Somehow I seemed to bounce back from that dark period and slowly started talking more and actually smiling every so often. The past couple months have been great and I have been with a new boyfriend, thankfully the complete opposite of the first. He tells me how 'beautiful' I am almost every day and I have a job. It is terrible and havehated it from day one. But tonight, me and one of my managers had a row over him calling me small and worthless. (see the connection?) so I got home and went into the shower to wash my hair. Now I'm sitting here writing this with a plaster and a paper stitch in my finger because when I went to wash my hair my razor was sitting at the side of the bath, next thing I know I have blinding pain and a hell of a lot of blood on my finger, I was ripping my razor apart to get the blade. I have been crying since then when I realised what I was about to do. So I looked up depression and things and bipolar came up. Is this one of my depression stages or am I just really stupid for looking into things waaaaay to much?
Your help is really appreciated
D x
About early/mid January me 2011 me and my boyfriend split up, but a couple months before he started to be incredibly hurtful to me, calling me fat/ugly ect. So eventually hearing these things being said to me it started to dwell in my mind that I was, so I started to skip meals and not eat, but then when we did finish, I started to become extremely sad and depressed 24/7. I would wake up in the morning, go to school and talk to near enough no one and then come home and basically baracade myself in my room. But then one night I was in the shower and I had started to find that when I was in the shower it made my tears disapear, (as stupid as that sounds) then I saw my cheap 2 bladed razor, next thing I'm taking it apart to get these blades out and dragging them over my veins and thighs. So when I realised, hey! This makes me think less about how sh*t my life is and how no one even cares to notice how sad I actually am ect and more about where I'm gonna do it next and how much blood there is. Every night I would make a point of going for a shower just so I could cut myself. As time went by, I stopped doing it less and less, never fully stopped though. My ex was literally using me just to have sex with me, and when I sat and thought about it I went and cut myself more carving worthless ect into my skin. Then, one day in febuary/march I found myself standing on the edge of a bridge. I don't, to this day, really know how I ended up there but there I was all I really remeber was looking down at the ground only the bottom and then to the side of me, where there was flowers for someone who done the same thing I was about to do a few weeks later, I read the card and started crying, then just stood staring at these flowers for about an hour. And ended up in my bed crying yet again. Somehow I seemed to bounce back from that dark period and slowly started talking more and actually smiling every so often. The past couple months have been great and I have been with a new boyfriend, thankfully the complete opposite of the first. He tells me how 'beautiful' I am almost every day and I have a job. It is terrible and havehated it from day one. But tonight, me and one of my managers had a row over him calling me small and worthless. (see the connection?) so I got home and went into the shower to wash my hair. Now I'm sitting here writing this with a plaster and a paper stitch in my finger because when I went to wash my hair my razor was sitting at the side of the bath, next thing I know I have blinding pain and a hell of a lot of blood on my finger, I was ripping my razor apart to get the blade. I have been crying since then when I realised what I was about to do. So I looked up depression and things and bipolar came up. Is this one of my depression stages or am I just really stupid for looking into things waaaaay to much?
Your help is really appreciated
D x
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talkhealth
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Re: Could I have bipolar?
Hello and thank you for posting in our forum. I have copied your post into our NHS Choices / talkhealth online clinic on mental health so that one of our experts can provide you with some information / advice.
Re: Could I have bipolar?
Hi there,
I am sorry that things have been very difficult for you. It's great that you have a positive influence in your life, namely your new boyfriend. It sounds like your ex was a complete idiot and being around somebody who doesn't value you or compliment you is never a healthy relationship to be in.
Unfortunately nobody can be diagnosed via a forum, although you do have some symptoms that would suggest bipolar affective disorder.
The best thing to do, is to make an appointment with your GP and tell them everything. There is no need to suffer alone.
Your GP will either treat you, or refer you to the local community mental health team
I suffer with bipolar affective disorder and have done for 12 years now. The support I receive from my GP and mental health team has been fantastic.
The only way you can try and understand what is going on in your mind is to speak to a professional. It may seem very daunting, but once you get the hard part out of the way-the talking about it....you will get the help that you need.
Please let me know how you get on
C
Xx
I am sorry that things have been very difficult for you. It's great that you have a positive influence in your life, namely your new boyfriend. It sounds like your ex was a complete idiot and being around somebody who doesn't value you or compliment you is never a healthy relationship to be in.
Unfortunately nobody can be diagnosed via a forum, although you do have some symptoms that would suggest bipolar affective disorder.
The best thing to do, is to make an appointment with your GP and tell them everything. There is no need to suffer alone.
Your GP will either treat you, or refer you to the local community mental health team
I suffer with bipolar affective disorder and have done for 12 years now. The support I receive from my GP and mental health team has been fantastic.
The only way you can try and understand what is going on in your mind is to speak to a professional. It may seem very daunting, but once you get the hard part out of the way-the talking about it....you will get the help that you need.
Please let me know how you get on
C
Xx
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