My partner can’t get hard..am I the problem?

[victoria92]

I think my boyfriend suffers with erectile dysfunction. He’s never in the mood for sex, rarely tries it on with me and can’t get hard. He prefers to watch porn because it’s less pressure on him. I feel like I am the problem and he’s just not attracted to me anymore. I don’t know what to do.

[talkhealth]

Hi victoria92,

Thank you for posting on the forum. Sorry to hear that you are worried that your boyfriend could have erectile dysfunction. There is certainly support out there for you both if this is the case. We also appreciate that this is a sensitive area to discuss with your boyfriend, but in the meantime please find a link below to a blog by The Urology Foundation on ED. Hopefully this will help you understand more about the condition that your boyfriend could possibly suffer from:

http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/bl ... sfunction/

Also here is some info on the condition from the NHS:

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/erection- ... sfunction/

Kind regards
talkhealth

[dustydeats]

Hi Victoria,

I had been through this problem for years, and am fixed.

First, you are not the problem. Porn is the problem. A huge number of young men suffer from this, and it is largely due to stress, depression, and watching porn.

Porn changes the neural passages to the penis and messes with sexual function. Look up NOFAP on reddit, and you will find millions of young men who have been through this and fixed it.

Golden rules:

1.) Stop watching porn and jerking off (TODAY). He needs to reset his brain, and fix what naturally tuns him on (you). By abstaining, he will find normal sex pleasurable and stress free again.
2.) Kegals. Get him to start doing kegals today. Its a workout for your penis. Even if he is not 100% hard, kegals will still maintain an 85% erection, which is fine!
3.) See a sex therapist. I did this, and it was life changing. He addressed all my other issues, and I realised my ED was just a side effect of all my other issues in my life and porn!
4.) Meditate. Use headspace everyday. This will reduce stress, and help him relax.
5.) Excercise. Lower body workout and run so that he engages his groin. It will help with blood flow.
6.) Reassurance. My current gf had her own issues, so it took all the pressure of me. I became the one who was being turned down eventually. If he doesnt do the above, then you have a reason to be annoyed, but otherwise, have pateince. It make take weeks or over a month to see progress, but it will come!

Hope this helps. It took me years of depression and stress to find these answers. Please share if they work for him!

[victoria92]

Thank you so much, that has helped. I have spoke to him recently about porn but he point blank tells me now that he doesn’t watch it anymore. He has a really small penis aswell so he gets insecure about that. Can I ask you what it is about porn? Is it because he prefers the way the girls look on porn and I don’t look like them?

[dustydeats]

Hi Victoria,

Sorry for the late reply.
Porn just desensitized men. There are a tonne of articles coming out from legit websites.

If he does kegals, meditates, excercises, and avoids porn, he can fix it in weeks (hard to be disciplined though !). It is 99% nothing to do with you. Porn is just no pressure, and stimulating.

Last thing - he is probably not as small as he thinks. Porn just makes men feel small because the guys all have large peices...

Good luck !