Carer who needs help

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jbutcher
Posts: 5
Joined: Wed Oct 17, 2012 6:45 pm
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by jbutcher on Wed Oct 17, 2012 7:02 pm

Carer who needs help

I am a carer of a gentleman who is a lodger in my house and he has Borderline Personality Disorder and Bipolar Disorder. He refuses to engage with any mental health teams and refuses to take his Lithium or attend any counselling etc. I have been his carer for 10+ years. Over the past 6 months his behaviour has been getting increasingly aggressive and I don't know what to do or how to cope anymore. I have been through a stressful time myself in that I was made redundant from my job after 32 years with Bristol University and finances are tight. I managed to find myself a low paid part-time job in my local GP surgery to help pay the mortgage. I do what I can to ensure there is a roof over my head and that my lodger has a stable home to live in, however my house now looks like the worse kind of slum you can imagine as he has filled every spare space in my house with his computers and model aircraft etc. My bedroom is the only room in my house without any of his stuff in it. I feel totally trapped and feel that my life is no longer my own. I have tried contacting my local council mental health team and have completed a carers assessment form and sent it in with all my feelings outlined in it but I have had no response from them regarding it and I sent it in well over a month ago. I asked for help and advice on ways to diffuse my lodger's anger and aggressive phases but with no response. He has 2 large elderly dogs in my house and I accepted these dogs as I am an animal lover and get on well with them however his increasing mood swings upset the dogs and stresses them out and they are not in good health. I don't know what to do for the best but I know I am at the end of my tether now and feel that I am standing over a precipice. I try to stay upbeat all the time and positive and I am learning yoga to help keep me calm but it is frustrating being criticised over everything I do and say and it is difficult not to verbally lash out at my lodger when he tries to belittle me. Can anyone give me any advice on how to cope? The reason I continue to have him stay in my house is because he didn't ask to be born with these conditions (his mother was bipolar and his father was borderline personality) and I feel that everyone deserves to have a stable home life and if I was in his position I would hope that someone would do the same for me.

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Dr Gary Jackson
Posts: 26
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 10:20 am
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by Dr Gary Jackson on Thu Oct 18, 2012 12:02 pm

Re: Carer who needs help

Well one has great respect for your dedication. Certainly it often takes much assertivenes to get help from the local services and i suspect you run out of energy for fighiing for help. You do need to look after yourself though and if you feel this person is making you potentially ill or putting you at risk, you'd be well advised to reconder if you can afford to let them stay on. It is uhlikely their behaviour will change spontaneously and there is no easy thing you can do to make them different.
Dr Gary Jackson - Consultant Psychiatrist
M.B.B.Ch., F.R.C.Psych

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Annette Boden - Counsellor
Posts: 20
Joined: Fri Oct 12, 2012 10:20 am
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by Annette Boden - Counsellor on Mon Oct 22, 2012 4:35 pm

Re: Carer who needs help

I fully agree with Dr Jackson's comments. You have done a great kindness and service for this gentleman for all these years but it does sound as though it may be time to let some one else take the baton for a while. I agree with you this gentleman did not ask for his suffering but you are entitled to some support and help and it might be worth you going to see your GP and citizens advice to see what help can be offered for this gentleman- perhaps with sheltered accomodation elswhere. You are not rejecting this person you are seeking support and help for him after giving so much of your time. You both deserve help and support.
Annette Boden - Hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, Counsellor
MSc, BSc(Hons)Psychology, MBPsS, FNSHP, ADHP (NC) Adv.Dip THP (N-SHAP), Adv.Dip (NCHP), Member: CRAH; HA; HCB. UKCP registered hypno-psychotherapist. CNHC registered Hypnotherapist.

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