Depression and self harm

[lucydiamonds]

Earlier this year I got quite low after suffering from EDNOS for 3 years, and started self harming. It started off as simple scratches and soon turned into major cuts that needed stitches. I am now left with a lot of scars. They aren't that big, just ugly because they are red and raised and there are so many of them. I hate the way I look, espescially since I live with an elder sister who is really pretty and I have cousins who are really pretty and wear really nice clothes and I am just there in jumpers and jackets constantly. My mum kinda knows about my self harm because she's seen a few scars on my legs but she hasn't seen my arms and every time she asks me about it (in an angry way) I always deny it.
I have stopped self harming but every time I look at myself I just want to cry. It's making me almost suicidal and I really don't know what to do because there isn't anything anyone CAN do. I said to my mum I wanted a tattoo on my forearms, but she hates the idea of tattoo's on my arms ( she doesn't know about the scars on my arms). The scars are on my forearms and in like the most awkward of places because the only way to cover them is with long sleeves- constantly.

My question is:- is there anything I can do to like, get over my scars and to start liking myself more, and how do I break the fact that I used to self harm to my mum and dad? It's making me so much more depressed than I already am and I just want to get better.

[carol01]

Hi Lucy,
http://www.rethink.org/how_we_can_help/ ... ts_az.html is a very good organisation with lots of helpful info, and an advice line.And http://www.nshn.co.uk/ which is the national self harm network. I am a mum of a 17yr old girl who self harms, usually by cutting , who is being treated for depression, and I know how hard it is to see some-one you love a)doing this and b) feeling so low that they feel they need to. I am learning that it is not to punish me , or to get attention, so if you have some good information about it to give your parents , this might help them understand. You have done really well to reach out for help on this forum, and I'm sorry to see you had to wait 2 days for a response. Scarring can be helped alot by using bio-oil daily, and has become more widely available now in supermarkets. This is only to be used on scars, not unhealed wounds. I took my d to our GP, and asked for a referall to the British red Cross for camoflage make up, which was excellent, and they just ask for a donation. They are very skilled and non-judgemental . The products are matched to your skin tone , are waterproof and can stay on all day. Have a look at their website, I am not sure but you may be able to self refer. We did buy some similar kit from Argos,a couple of years ago, which was also good quality. Our GP also prescribed some expensive latex type dressings designed to minimise scarring, but these are most effective to assist healing and not on wounds already healed.

The emotional issues of self-liking, and depression are not as easy or immediate. The first two organisations may have links to help. You don't say how old you are but if you are already in the mental health system then CAMHS, Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services (NHS) may have counsellors/ mental health nurses/ psycologists . If not get your GP to refer you . 16 yrs is the age for consent for NHS, so you wouldn't necessarily have to tell your parents .

Lastly, and I have no idea if this is feasible , but I have been considering a referral to a surgeon ? cosmetic ? general surgeon to get advice on possible scar revision , if any of them are particularly raised/ puckered etc. Remember scars lessen in redness, and flatten themselves with time, so be patient with yourself, but the camoflage stuff would really help especially when the spring/summer comes.

So there is help available, Take your time to have a look through these options, as sometimes it's all a bit overwhelming. (MIND and Young Minds are two other helpful ones )

Best wishes for a speedy recovery, and I hope your parents will be supportive ,

Carol. PS If it's too hard for you to talk to your parents , try writing it down and give them the letter, or give them a leaflet , maybe with a note , xx

[carol01]

Just setting notification of replies,
Carol

[Dr Trevor Friedman]

Hi. I think the advice that you received about your scars was very good. It would be worth seeing your GP or seeking advice from a plastic surgeon about how best to manage them. Scars do generally dfade over the long term. It seems that you had an eating disorder but it was not clear from your letter what treatment you received. Self harming behaviour is common in people with eating disorders. I am not sure if you have had expert therapy because that should included discussion of your self harming behaviour. It is upsetting to have scars but the most important issue is that you have sorted out the underlying problems. I think you need to see someone to discuss how best to manage this problem because, as you realise, it is diffcult to keep them covered up in the long term.