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Online clinic on weight management - Jan 2014

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self-esteem & emotional problems

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Weight has ruined my life

Postby Sarah12 on Fri Jan 17, 2014 9:39 pm

I have been troubled by excess weight pretty much all my life.I first put on weight when I stated school.I was always chubby but I was outgoing and active.I ate the same as the rest of my family but no one else was as big as me.As I got older I became more self concious of my weight and how I didn't look like my peers.
I was shy and was not into going out as I just felt like the spare part-no one ever showed any interest in me.
I had a tough few years where I was unhappy in a job and i put on a huge amount of weight due to comfort eating.
I managed to get things in order and I lost weight again.I felt good but I still felt my body was not right.I still had rolls and lumps and bumps.I guess you feel that your body will just snap into shape.I put all the weight back on again,lost it again and now am in the putting weight on phase.
I am feeling powerless and and am utterly fed up of food and dieting.No matter how hard I work I still don't have the body I wish for.And this has crushed me and my self esteem.I have never had a relationship and I don't know if I ever will even though I would love have one and a family.I don't know how anyone would ever find me attractive as I just see a horrible lump in the mirror.I am afraid that I am just destined to end
up alone.When the weight is on you are judged so differently no matter the person you are or how hard you work you are looked upon as lazy. I also find the bigger you are the more in invisable you are.
Sarah12
 
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Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:15 am

Re: Weight has ruined my life

Postby Wendy Green on Sat Jan 18, 2014 7:11 pm

Hi Sarah12,

It's a sad fact of life that we are judged by the way we look in today's society; yet even if you are overweight, it's still possible to feel comfortable in your own skin. For example Dawn French and Nigella Lawson aren't stick thin, but they are confident, attractive and successful women; it's really first and foremost about your relationship with yourself.

If you rely on your appearance as your main/only source of self-esteem you can end up becoming obsessed with your body image; if you feel you don't quite measure up to the media's idea of the perfect body you can end up comfort eating - which in turn leads to more weight gain. Healthy self-esteem comes from self-knowledge and self-acceptance; instead of judging yourself purely on your appearance, how about drawing up a list of your good points, skills and talents? For example 'I'm kind and caring', 'I'm a good cook.' List your achievements too - e.g. passing your driving test, attaining a degree, landing a new job....you get the idea. Then start focussing on your good points and using your skills and talents; learn to love yourself for who you are - remember beauty is more than skin-deep!

Accept your body as it is now and do your all you can to look your best; make sure you are well-groomed and smartly dressed. Have a regular haircut and manicure; choose clothes that flatter your shape. Take a pride in your appearance - larger people can still look good with a bit of effort. You could also aim to be a bit more active; take the stairs rather than the lift; go for a walk on your lunch break; find physical activities you enjoy doing and fit them into your routine. Exercise will help you to lose weight and tone up, as well as feel better about yourself generally.

For more help with self-esteem issues can I suggest you read my book on boosting self-esteem? http://www.amazon.co.uk/Things-Today-Im ... +50+things

Once you start valuing yourself more you may find that you stop turning to food for comfort. For tips on how to develop a healthier relationship with food - rather than dieting which, as you've discovered, often leads to further weight gain - go to a previous post of mine which suggests ways to avoid eating when you're not hungry viewtopic.php?f=544&t=5536#p16234
You may also find my kindle book on losing weight without dieting helpful:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Forever-Thin-Pe ... B005YDDOMY ref=sr_ 1_6?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1390067388&sr=1-6&keywords=forever+thin

I'd also recommend Susie Orbach's book 'On Eating' which explains how to develop a healthy relationship with food to help you break away from the dieting/weight-gain cycle. Here's the amazon link:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Susie-Orbach Eating/dp/0141007516/ref=sr_1_1s=books&ie=UTF8&qid= 1390067122&sr=1-1&keywords=On+eating

Another book you may find helpful is Paul McKenna's Hypnotic Gastric Band, which uses self-hypnosis to help you stop eating when you're not hungry and to stop overeating:
http://www.amazon.co.uk/Hypnotic-Gastri ... stric+Band

In a nutshell - learn to love yourself for who you are and forget dieting - which clearly hasn't helped you lose weight and focus instead on developing a happy, healthy relationship with food.

I hope this advice helps you to stop feeling powerless, take control of your eating and boost your self-esteem.

I wish you well for the future:D
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Wendy Green
 
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Re: Weight has ruined my life

Postby Sarah12 on Tue Jan 21, 2014 1:29 am

Thanks Wendy for your helpful reply. I felt very frustrated after working hard on losing weight that I am struggling again. I have had a lot of health issues which have added to my difficulty with weight. I have had so many hurtful comments from complete strangers to family members on my weight that I feel very concious about it. On the plus side I know I am the same decent person regardless of my size. I am determined to get back on track but will try hard to accept my current self too.
Sarah12
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:15 am

Re: Weight has ruined my life

Postby Rachel Morris on Tue Jan 21, 2014 10:33 am

Good Morning Sarah12,

I am sorry you are struggling with your self esteem. Unfortunately there is still a lot of weight stigma in today's society. Something we at Beat are very much working towards dispelling.

Wendy sent a brilliant response which I hope you find helpful.

We at Beat believe that even if we have the knowledge and advice we may not feel in a place emotionally to be able to use this in a way that makes things more positive for us.

Sharing your situation with others is a really valuable way to empower yourself. By talking about the emotions you have surrounding food and weight with people experiencing the same or similar emotions, we hope you would no longer feel invisible. Our support groups are in place to give people a voice. Hopefully through this you can move forward and feel supported in order to achieve your personal goals.

Please feel free to email us at eosg@b-eat.co.uk for information about the groups.

We look forward to hearing from you :D
Rachel Morris
 
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Re: Weight has ruined my life

Postby Adam Eason on Tue Jan 21, 2014 11:00 am

Hi Sarah12,

Sorry to read this - please have a look at another thread I contributed to this morning as it may offer up some ideas that can help in addition to the advice given already:

viewtopic.php?f=547&t=5553&p=16308#p16308

Get in touch if you have any further questions or queries and I wish you the very best going forward, Adam.
Adam Eason
Clinical & Cognitive Behavioural Hypnotherapist

http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/online_clinics/experts/adam_eason.php
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Re: Weight has ruined my life

Postby Sarah12 on Tue Jan 21, 2014 8:40 pm

Thanks so much for your replies. I need to work on accepting the present me and then allowing myself to to refocus my efforts. I think the thing with weight is it has a physical but also a mental component. I may physically lose weight but mentally I still carry it around. It's especially stubborn fat but I hope to begin melting it away too. Here's to change :-)
Sarah12
 
Posts: 27
Joined: Fri Mar 23, 2012 12:15 am

Re: Weight has ruined my life

Postby Wendy Green on Tue Jan 21, 2014 9:15 pm

Hi Sarah12,

I'm glad you found my previous post helpful and sorry to hear that you have had health problems that have added to your weight issues - hopefully these will improve as you lose weight.

You've just demonstrated that you have insight into how your mind influences your weight; now you just need to tackle your negative thought patterns so that you can start to lose weight and keep it off.

My final bit of advice is - focus on building a life you really enjoy so that you're more likely to 'eat to live' than 'live to eat'.

Good luck for the future!

Wendy :D
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