Scared

[samthompson17]

I have had not had sex with my other half for the past year and now a year and a month, I thought it was because of me and I was going to leave him until he told me he is having serious problems masterbating hes gotten pills from boots and they dont work I am seriously worried there may be something else wrong, what if it is me. I keep thinking what if j lo was in bed with him could he get it up then. Hes going to see the dr about it but is delaying it as hes to shy. We tried again last night again and he never managed I tried my best and I just feel lonely and sad and he feels half a man. Its putting a strain on us

[Philippa Aslet]

Hi

It can be really upsetting when a partner is having difficulties getting or maintaining an erection.
There are many reasons why men may experience difficulties getting an erection and there are a range of treatments depending on the cause from a simple tablet to talking therapies or counselling.

Can I encourage you not to blame yourself but to encourage your partner to see his GP. He will probably be surprised that the GP will be happy to listen and will be able to investigate the cause and offer the right form of treatment. Some men will need to be referred into hospital but many men can be effectively treated in primary care.

It is important that he does see the GP and I would discourage any self medicating and certainly do not try the many online treatments or over the counter remedies as In my experience they do not work and you don't know what is in them.

I hope that helps

[Adam Eason]

Hello Sam,

Firstly, to echo that which Philippa has said; ask/gently suggest that your partner to seek out the advice of his GP.

Secondly, please be aware that this is a common issue and often once an issue such as this has begun, the related anxiety and stress can make the issue a lot worse, or at least, seem so.

His GP may be able to recommend a CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) professional to help with any related anxiety or problematic cognitions that accompany the physical responses - for example, sometimes the thoughts and feelings that accompany the inability to achieve or maintain an erection can have a very real and problematic physiological effect thereafter.

Alternatively, you can seek out a private professional CBT therapist or a suitably qualified hypnotherapist to help with any accompanying issues. I work with a great many men each year for Erectile Dysfunction and the evidence to support the use of cognitive behavioural hypnotherapy for this issue is quite good. I think many men overlook the notion that the most important sexual organ is the brain.

Additionally, there are a range of relaxation skills and psychological tools he could learn to help combat negative expectancies or beliefs - for example, sometimes when an issue has occurred a few times previously, one may have an expectancy that it will continue happening and such beliefs could fuel the problem.

Importantly, you may both from taking the pressure of each other. Enjoy some intimacy with the pressure of having to have sex and permit yourselves to enjoy being close without the need for sex a few times.

If you'd like further assistance on seeking out a suitable professional, please do get in touch with me again.

I wish you both the very best.

Adam.