Libido and relationships

[confusedguy]

Hi

I am a healthy 35 year old. I have a beautiful wife who I am very much in love with. But my libido is nearly non-existent. I am perfectly happy to not have sex more than once a month, and for me ejaculating, masturbating etc are far, far, far less important than say being together - holding my wife, giving her kisses, hugging her, giving her pleasure. Needless to say - she is on the other end of things and would like me to have a higher drive. Thinking of it - even before we were toogether, I was neevr really that much into intercourse.

My work is not unduly draining (in the sense I am not a builder or road digger) - but yes, I do have a desk job non stop all week and I feel tired by the time I get in.

We are surrounded by images of men always bugging women for sex, movies, films, books all show how men have loads of sex and I just wonder if there is something I should worry about?

[Dr Jon Rees]

Hi

like everything in life, there is a huge range of what is normal - with regard to sex drive, this can range from people who want sex daily or even more often, to those like you who have much lower libido.

Low libido can be a sign of a low testosterone level and it may be worth having that checked - if it is low, you may have other symptoms, especially excessive fatigue - it can be replaced with gel or injections to see if your libido increases. If you have blood tests, get your thyroid function checked also.

There is also a link with low mood or depression - if you think that might be the case, go to see your gp to have a chat about it.

Otherwise, low libido isn't a problem, except for the stress it can put on your relationship - the problem is always where the 2 members of a couple have very different sex drives - if that is the case, then it may be worth the 2 of you booking to see a psychosexual counsellor, trained in these issues, to make sure this does not get in the way of your relationship in the long term.