Shopping/debt addiction

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jthor0506
Posts: 1
Joined: Mon Dec 09, 2013 12:48 pm
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by jthor0506 on Mon Dec 09, 2013 1:00 pm

Shopping/debt addiction

Hi all,

Is it possible to have an addiction to spending money?

I have, over the course of two years, been bailed out of debt four times through spending money excessively. The grand total is over 20 grand - not counting what I have paid back myself. The majority of it has been through credit cards and payday loans.

The main factor seems to be shopping. It can be food or clothes shopping - I seem to have an impulsiveness and lack of control in this area. My parents are away of this, and we have struggled as a family. I have got a lot better but I'm fearful I still have many of the same compulsions. I am in debt again, around £1,000, which to me doesn't seem much anymore. That's what worries me.

I am going away next year and hope to have a clean break. But I will be independent totally for the first time in my life, having to work and manage my money all by myself. I'm terrified of repeating the same steps and ending up in a foreign country with no money and calling my parents for help yet again. I feel I can't do it to them anymore and want to step out of this pattern.

The pattern seems to be when feeling low I spend money. I seem incapable of budgeting effectively, despite how strongly I may convince myself "it will work this time". I have become a compulsive liar because of this and it has destroyed not only relationships with parents but with a few friends too. It played a huge role in the break up between myself and my boyfriend. Not only has it led to having a busting full wardrobe of clothes I don't even want, it's led to an increase in weight - and all of this makes me feel worse and makes me want to repeat the pattern. Clothes sopping has definitely decreased over the last couple of months and I have managed to buy all presents for Christmas with only one (needed) thing for myself. But I still have managed to get myself into debt through buying food and silly pointless little things.

Basically, I was wondering if there is a sort of list or steps I could follow to help me fall out of this pattern. As I'm going away, I don't have time/can't afford 'proper' help. But if there's any way you could help it would be much appreciated. I've read some of the other threads, and see many encourage other patterns such as exercise. I did try exercise but a main problem seems to be my rock bottom self esteem. I also have a LTC, which leads to quite extreme fatigue at times. Sometimes I will lie in bed on my computer buying pointless things.

Thank you for your help.

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Mark Dempster
Posts: 7
Joined: Mon Dec 02, 2013 3:28 pm
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by Mark Dempster on Mon Dec 09, 2013 11:36 pm

Re: Shopping/debt addiction

Hi Miss J

Check out debtors anonymous meetings DA, many in london and some in surrounding areas, its a great fellowship which has helped thousands to manage there lives more effectively
Exercise is a positive step to release dopamine and endorphin, so if you can commit to regime every 2nd day at least this will help alleviate some depression and therefore lowers risk of acting out
Get a good diet and food structure you wouldn't believe how much food effects your moods
write a list of the consequences of your addiction to spending
write down 6 examples of how this behaviour has created unmanageability in your life, the break up with partner and lying will be some of the unmanageability examples
Look at this list to remind and reinforce to yourself why you are not going to feed the spending addiction
Its like the story of the two wolves- A young boy is in a field with two wolves, one black one white, he ask his dad if these wolves were to have a fight which one would win? the dad said - whichever one you feed the most
If you feed the thoughts of spending and the short-term gratification you get from it, you are feeding the wrong wolf
hope it makes sense
remember debtors anonymous
Mark Dempster
Psychotherapist and Drugs Counsellor

http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/on ... mpster.php

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Gary Turner
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Joined: Wed Oct 09, 2013 9:04 am
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by Gary Turner on Tue Dec 10, 2013 7:40 pm

Re: Shopping/debt addiction

Hi Jthor, hope you are well!

Bit of a nightmare situation for you - yet all too common, and your words give rise to patterns I often see in clients.

"when feeling low I spend money" mainly directed at "shopping"

Your problem isn't shopping - that just appears to be a symptom, giving a relief from the cause. Perhaps "I feel low so I shop because it makes me feel good". If you didn't feel low then you wouldn't go shopping to feel good?

I would suggest this isn't an addiction at all. I would suggest that your low mood is driving - and sustaining - the behaviour.

I feel low - shop to feel good - feel guilty and bad for shopping - feel low as a result - shop to feel good...and the cycle supports itself.

I would strongly suggest seeking a bit of professional help with this. Pop along to see someone who is experienced in compulsions and/or depression (continued low mood). They will help you to quickly break the cycle, so you can learn to be different. What you have written is quite common and I and others have worked with it often. I would suggest that you would have the money if you sought professional help - because you'd be spending so much less!

Hope this new understanding/thoughts help!!
Gary Turner
Advisor to British Army School of Physical Training, World Champion Elite Sportsman

http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/on ... turner.php

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