interacting with someone who doesn't listen
Moderator: talkhealth
- Wendy Green
- Posts: 159
- Joined: Thu May 24, 2012 11:27 am
Re: interacting with someone who doesn't listen
Hi,
As you seem aware of how to be assertive, I assume you've used the 'broken record' technique in which you keep on repeating your point until the other person takes it on board?
If your manager really won't listen, is there anyone at a higher level in your organisation that you could go to with your concerns? Alternatively, could you email your concerns to your manager and ask for a written response back? They might not want to listen to you when you're talking to them, but they can't really avoid reading what you've written.
I hope this helps
As you seem aware of how to be assertive, I assume you've used the 'broken record' technique in which you keep on repeating your point until the other person takes it on board?
If your manager really won't listen, is there anyone at a higher level in your organisation that you could go to with your concerns? Alternatively, could you email your concerns to your manager and ask for a written response back? They might not want to listen to you when you're talking to them, but they can't really avoid reading what you've written.
I hope this helps
- karenacoyle
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue May 07, 2013 3:37 pm
Re: interacting with someone who doesn't listen
Hi
I would agree with Wendy's approach - if the 'broken record' approach doesn't work, putting your concerns in writing sometimes can be very effective as there is often more of an onus then for the manager to listen when it is clear that you are distressed by her patronising approach.
However, if this is not effective and following the normal procedure of going on the next step up in the management structure, if that is open to you, you may wish to consult with a union representative or get in touch with ACAS for further advice.
You can call the Acas Helpline on 0300 123 1100 for free and impartial advice or download their advisory guide which provides good practice advice for dealing with discipline and grievances in the workplace http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/l/g/Di ... -guide.pdf.
I hope this helps and good luck with your efforts to resolve your concerns.
I would agree with Wendy's approach - if the 'broken record' approach doesn't work, putting your concerns in writing sometimes can be very effective as there is often more of an onus then for the manager to listen when it is clear that you are distressed by her patronising approach.
However, if this is not effective and following the normal procedure of going on the next step up in the management structure, if that is open to you, you may wish to consult with a union representative or get in touch with ACAS for further advice.
You can call the Acas Helpline on 0300 123 1100 for free and impartial advice or download their advisory guide which provides good practice advice for dealing with discipline and grievances in the workplace http://www.acas.org.uk/media/pdf/l/g/Di ... -guide.pdf.
I hope this helps and good luck with your efforts to resolve your concerns.
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- Posts: 1
- Joined: Thu Oct 16, 2014 1:16 pm
Re: interacting with someone who doesn't listen
The problem is that the person concerned is essentially at the top of the tree of a small organisation, so options for upwards escalation are limited. The person concerned has a similar effect on other people in the organisation - which I can see more clearly now that I am in a better place personally.
- karenacoyle
- Posts: 20
- Joined: Tue May 07, 2013 3:37 pm
Re: interacting with someone who doesn't listen
Hi
I can appreciate the difficulty in trying to resolve this on your own in the work situation you describe.
How would you feel about discussing your concerns with work colleagues who are similarly affected by this person's management style?
It may be less intimidating personally and more effective if there was a consensus of opinion if these views were expressed as a group of workers.
It could also be helpful if someone who was less affected emotionally by the management style of this person would volunteer to took a lead and acted as the group's representative at a meeting with this manager.
If none of these options are viable, I suggest that you document the incidents concerned and take advice from the ACAS helpline above or from your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
Ultimately, if you cannot get a resolution to your grievance within the company, you may consider that in the best interest of your mental well being, that it may be better in the long run to seek employment elsewhere.
Best wishes
I can appreciate the difficulty in trying to resolve this on your own in the work situation you describe.
How would you feel about discussing your concerns with work colleagues who are similarly affected by this person's management style?
It may be less intimidating personally and more effective if there was a consensus of opinion if these views were expressed as a group of workers.
It could also be helpful if someone who was less affected emotionally by the management style of this person would volunteer to took a lead and acted as the group's representative at a meeting with this manager.
If none of these options are viable, I suggest that you document the incidents concerned and take advice from the ACAS helpline above or from your local Citizens Advice Bureau.
Ultimately, if you cannot get a resolution to your grievance within the company, you may consider that in the best interest of your mental well being, that it may be better in the long run to seek employment elsewhere.
Best wishes
- Sir Cary Cooper
- Posts: 6
- Joined: Thu Oct 02, 2014 1:19 pm
Re: interacting with someone who doesn't listen
Having to deal with a manager who doesn't listen is a common source of stress in the workplace. By not listening they are in effect saying they don't value you. The reality is that it is 'their problem' not yours. Those kinds of managers tend to be less effective, have high turnover of staff, are worse at team building and in the end, in bottom-line work environments, don't last very long--with rock bottom engagement scores! The best thing is to get on with your job because the reality is that you will still be there long after they are gone! Work with colleagues and build your own work and supportive networks.
Professor Sir Cary Cooper, CBE, FAcSS
Distinguished Professor of Organisational Psychology & Health at Lancaster University Management School
http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/online_clinics/experts/professor_sir_cary_cooper.php
Distinguished Professor of Organisational Psychology & Health at Lancaster University Management School
http://www.talkhealthpartnership.com/online_clinics/experts/professor_sir_cary_cooper.php