Uncontrollable

[Tabitha444]

Last week I managed to convince myself the rash on my face was just a sunburn from the previous frolicking in the sun, luckily I had a few last drops of Calamine lotion that actually works for eczema. I applied it and a day later it seemed to be clearing up! I was thrilled because I believed I had dodged a bullet there, never having had facial eczema before.

But then everything quickly went to sh*t last night. I was staying at my boyfriends house just like last week (before I got my first case of face-eczema) and then during the night after watching some TV I felt itchy at my temples just like last week. A little worried, I scurried off to the bathroom and grabbed some cotton balls and dapped Calamine on it, hoping that would be the last of that.

I wake up the next day at probably 8 in the morning, my whole face feels hot, tight and dry. I close my eyes and think to myself "It has to go away, it's going to go away. I won't have this." sure enough, my boyfriend wakes up and looks at me. I say to him "Does it look okay?" He looks my face up and down and I can already tell it's no good. I get out of bed and retreat to the bathroom to see something I've never seen in my whole life.

For the first time in my whole 18 years of living the person staring back in the mirror wasn't me. Her face was red, swollen and puffy. The contrast of red against the milkiness of her skin was so harsh and ugly.
I thought to myself "I can't believe I used to think I was ugly, now I REALLY am."
Today, for the first time in my life I walked home from my boyfriends hiding my face... I didn't want anyone to see me like this.

I have scoured and searched tirelessly through the internet in hopes to find some tips or ointments to help cure/relieve my eczema. When I was a child my parents weren't really familiar with it and didn't really understand the pain or how to help. I'd been to many doctors and yet none could help me at all. Saying I'd grow out of it. Well, maybe I did grow out of the stuff behind my knees, but then when I started highschool it was still in the folds of my arms and had now progressed to the palm of my hands. Then gradually it moved from my palm to my fingers and I've been living with that since then. My fingers have begun to get better and I started recently putting calamine lotion on my arms. Immediately it started healing and I think for probably the first time in my life, I felt like I was in control of my body.

But today was the mean b*tch that told me "No, you don't own your body, you can't control it." because for the first time, my eczema has moved somewhere I've never had it and that scares me. It can go anywhere on my body and apparently I am powerless to do anything.

I look through so many blogs, websites etc... and read and read with hope. But one person will recommend something and another will say that it's bad and it just goes on.
When I discovered the old calamine lotion my dad (may he rest in peace) used to put on me. Finding it again was like a discovering the one true key to my skin and how to help it mend. But unfortunately I ran out of it, and after looking all over the internet for it my boyfriend found out it had been discontinued by Sigma...I lose all hope.
The current Calamine lotion I use doesn't work, not like the other stuff...

Now I'm sitting here, my face tight and dry. Unable to express anything without it feeling like a botched botox job. The only thing in this case that correlates with last weeks episode is sunburn. But even then, I've NEVER had eczema on my face before. I just don't get it! I'm fed up trying to understand what it is and I just want it gone. I just want to look like how I looked before...
I just want to experience not having eczema for once in my life. I thought I was on that track and it thrilled me, but now I see that's going to be more difficult than I initially believed...

[Marcie Mom]

So sorry to hear of the facial eczema... has your dermatologist been able to provide any help? Maybe patch testing to find out what triggers your rash, or the prescription of non-steroidal cream such as topical calcineurin inhibitor? Hope all get better soon, take care, hugs