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erectile dysfunction (ED)

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New partner and erection issues

Postby steeringwheelattendant on Mon Feb 12, 2018 10:32 pm

Ladies and Gentlemen

I was up until recently unhappily married. Then I met A. She gave me the kick I needed to leave my unhappy marriage - yes we were having an affair - I don't need to be judged on it though thankyou. A is everything my wife isn't, spiritually, physically and mentally. Never in my life have I clicked with someone the way I have with her. Anyway, I have left my unhappy marriage to be with this incredible lady. There has been heartbreak (I have two children) and a lot of sleepless nights, all caused by me and A getting feelings for each other and me ultimately leaving my wife for her.

And so to the crux of the problem. A and I have managed to spend a couple of nights together at my place where we've spent time together, watched films etc. I have on both of those occasions, failed to get an erection. I find her incredibly sexy ( I fancied her from when I first met her to be honest) and am desperate to give her the sex that she deserves. She has been incredibly understanding about it, which is fantastic. I have never suffered with erection problems before (apart from one time when I drunk far too much) and I never suffered with problems with my wife - only since A and I have become an item has it become a problem. I know that physically everything works - only when I am trying to be intimate with her it's a problem. The first couple of times we met it wasn't an issue, but started to become an issue once I came to realise it was more than just sex I wanted from her. I feel it is also worth mentioning that once my affair had come to light, I did have sex with my wife several times with absolutely no issues at all.

Please don't judge me on the fact that we have got to this position through an affair - I am fully aware of my actions and the heartbreak and anguish we have caused - however for the first time in 15 years I decided to put my happiness first instead of the happiness of others.

Has anybody been in this position? I know there is no magic cure for such things, but is there anything I can do to help my situation?

Thanks for reading my rather long and sad story.
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Re: New partner and erection issues

Postby Dr Claire Mansfield on Wed Feb 21, 2018 3:46 pm

Hi there. Thanks for being so open, I am sure you are not alone in your experience. You mention the heart break and anguish you feel responsible for, and your post suggests that you are expecting others to judge you (and you may have experienced this from people around you) and I wonder if that might be the cause of your difficulties. You might find it helpful to find a therapist that you can talk to as your difficulty is common in the context of what you have gone through. I am glad that you have been able to prioritise what you want out of life. Good luck.
Dr Claire Mansfield
Chartered Counselling Psychologist - CPsychol, PsychD, MA, BSc

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Dr Claire Mansfield
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