The Urology Foundation - Men's Sexual Health

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Lack of interest in sex

Postby Guest Posts on Wed Sep 26, 2018 9:46 am

My husband is 57 and in good health, we are happy enough. The trouble is he is not interested in sex and has no desire for us to have sex. He won't discuss it with me and just keeps saying he is "getting on" now. He won't go see our GP and I don't know what to do anymore. We haven't made love for about 14mths and its getting me down. It makes me feel he doesn't love me, I have told him this. I am 7years older than him, he says it isn't that either. Can you advise me what to do. Thank you.
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Re: Lack of interest in sex

Postby Mr Oliver Kayes on Thu Sep 27, 2018 3:04 pm

I am sorry to hear that you are having problems that can have a huge impact on your relationship. This may be multifactorial from the male perspective. As disengagement and a distance grows it often brings about feelings of isolation and a lack of emotional contact sometimes leading to fears around infidelity or a permanent break down in the relationship. Whilst it is all too common a problem the main issue to be addressed is around communication. Try to ask about why this has happened and what Is worrying him? Sometimes stress and mental health problems can be the initiator to withdrawal from sexual contact. He may have be suffering symptoms of a low libido or erectile dysfunction causing frustration and embarrassment. Some men develop specific conditions such as low testosterone or Peyronie’s disease which can make sex impossible. Good luck and try to be open and honest with each other.
Mr Oliver Kayes
Consultant Urologist - MBBS MSc MD(Res) FRCS(Urol) FECSM
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Re: Lack of interest in sex

Postby Lorraine Grover on Thu Sep 27, 2018 11:41 pm

Dear Isabell
It can be difficult for men to express their emotions and although you have spoken to your husband about how you feel, it may be difficult for him to do so. There may be several factors that could be contributing to the situation. When sexual difficulties exist no one is to ‘blame’ but a circumstance has developed that affects you both. The Sexual Advice Association have a SMART APP that you can download and lots of information on their website that you could look at together or individually . He may find it easier to look at this information on his own in the first instance. Advice is given such as how to talk about the sexual problem and what sort of questions you may be asked. 80% of erectile dysfunction as an example can be because of underlying ill health and it is not ‘in the mind’ like many people assume it is! Simple investigations can be done via the GP to check potential causes as to why he feels like he does. We understand patients may feel awkward and embarrassed but remember healthcare professionals want to help. I hope this is of help.
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