Specific questions on recovery and medication

[PeaceLilyGirl]

Hello. I have a few questions regarding depression.

I have suffered with depression (and also anxiety and eating disorders) for 11 years now. These have all been confirmed by doctors.

I am currently on medication and seeing a therapist once a week. I'm not going to say they don't help (they do) but I just can't seem to maintain a steady level of recovery.
At most, I get a few months of normal life and then everything tumbles again and I watch the remains of my life rotting at my feet.
I'm so, so tired I just can't explain. Like emotionally exhausted from watching this happening to me.
I'm heartbroken. I've accepted that I need to change everything about my life (diet, exercise levels, socialising) but find it so hard just to start doing these when I am low, or maintain them through the hard times. Is it possible to recover completely from depression, or will I always be sensitive to it in some way?

Also I have some more specific questions.
I see things when I'm struggling. They seem like ghosts, but I don't think they actually are ghosts. They're like smoky shadows that move like ghosts. Sometimes I hear things. Sometimes I get really paranoid. This is mostly if I haven't had my tablets (citalopram). I don't think I'm schizophrenic but sometimes it's just really disorientating to see things other people can't. It doesn't frighten me, but the fact I'm seeing anything like that at all is really discombobulating. Is this just a normal part of depression sometimes? If I tell my GP or therapist this, will they think I'm schizophrenic? A man I knew was, and they basically told him he couldn't ever work again. I want to retain at least a sliver of hope.

In regards to my medication - despite the fact that I have severe anxiety and struggle to organise appointments in the correct manner, the doctors won't allow me to be on repeat prescription for my anti depressants. This occasionally leaves me going without them for periods of time. Which is horrible. Why won't they allow me to be on repeat prescription? Do you have any ideas? It has never been fully explained to me.

Do my anti depressants cause withdrawal symptoms? (citalopram). I sometimes feel like I am coming down from some kind of street drug if I haven't had them. It's unbearable!

My anti depressants cause me to experience sexual dysfunction. They are so far the only ones that seem to work for me, and I find it embarrassing to discuss this face to face. Is there something else my doctor could give me in addition to my tablets that would help, or would I need to change medication? The issues are inability to reach climax and loss of sex drive.

If I have children, am I more likely to end up depressed again? And will I pass this horrible illness onto my children?

Are there any links with depression and endometriosis? Or IBS or hand eczema? I've developed all of these, and their initial appearance in symptoms was always during a particularly bad bout of depression.

That's a lot of questions for which I apologise, but I haven't been lucky to have always come into contact with doctors who will explain these things to me.

[Dr Gary Jackson]

Hi. A few thoughts.
Depression can be difficult to cure but can mostly be adequately controlled. Sounds like you will need to be on medication for the forseable future. Its important to try not to run out. Yes, you can have discontinuation symptoms but though they are unpleasant, they are not dangerious and don't usually last more than 7 - 10 days. Your children may have a higher risk than average of depression but unlikely to be a high risk. This will depend on the presence or not of depression in other blood relatives. Your Gp is probably afraid of you overdosing hence not wanting you to have large quantities of medications at once. The prescribing doctor is responsible for his prescription and is likely to be cautious. Its always best to be frank about your symptoms with your treating doctors so they can tailor the treatments accordingly. Its unhelpful to deny symptoms for fear of what they may mean - the important thing its to get the necessary help.
Dr Jackson