Depressed and homesick

[OnADarklingPlain94]

I've been at university now for just over 2 weeks, and I feel just as homesick as I did the moment my Mum said goodbye to be on the first day. What I initially thought was just homesickness I fear has become full-blown depression. I've had counselling for depression in the past, and was almost put on medication for it a few months ago.

I cry every day. When I wake up in the morning and open my eyes, and see that I'm not home, I just can't stop the tears. I'm an English student, and there have been numerous occasions so far when I haven't been able to do my reading because I can't stop sobbing. I was nearly late for a lecture yesterday because, try as I might to calm down, I just couldn't stop the tears. It used to just be that I cried when I had to be alone for an extended period of time, or in the mornings when I woke up, but now I've started crying myself to sleep too.
I come from a small but very close family, and I would count my sisters as my best friends. I'm a shy person and struggle to make friends, and ended up losing what friends I had at college when I deliberately isolated myself because of my depression. Here at uni, I'm really friendly with quite a few people, but I wouldn't call any of them a "friend". We go out sometimes and I chat to them, but I just feel separate. So many people here are really close to their flatmates and go on days out with them, and cook as a flat - my flat couldn't be more different. They're all friendly, but I hardly see more than a couple of them a day, and one of them hardly speaks any English. It really gets me down.

I text/ call/ talk on skype with my mum and my 2 sisters every day. I miss them so much, I can't think about them without crying. I just feel so alone here, like I have no-one to support me. I've booked a session with the uni counselor on Friday so I can talk to them, but I feel pretty negative about the future. I think about dropping out all the time. I hate it here. I wish I was at home with my family, how it was before I left, and then I cry some more when I think that it can never be exactly the same again.
I wouldn't, as it would destroy my mum and my sisters, but I think about killing myself most days. I feel like, if I can never be at home with my family again like before, what's the point of living? It's got to the stage now that, even when I'm out with a group of people, I feel so lonely I want to sob.

Please help :/

[Annette Boden - Counsellor]

I am sorry you are feeling so low today. I would advise you go and talk to someone at university today and let them know how desperate you feel I would advise you see the GP there too. I would also plan when you are going to see your family next and perhaps for the first few months have some regular trips back home or have your family come and visit you. Let them know you are missing them and struggling so that they can support you. It is a big step going to University
and one to be proud of - things can and will get easier if you reach out as you have done today. Have you joined any clubs or groups that interest you? it is a good way to make new friends when you are are new to the university lifestyle- which is a big change from homelife and you will not be alone in missing home- it is natural but do let someone at university know today how you are feeling so they can help you.