The work never ends – I know that my weight is going to be a constant battle. That might sound a little dramatic, yet I know that I have a real tough job on my hands. I battled guilt, aches, pains and illnesses to get to the size I was, and I am doing the same on the way back down! They – whoever ‘they’ are – say that once you are an alcoholic, you are always an alcoholic…regardless of whether you touch another drop or not.
I strongly feel that the same can be said for people who have had a serious weight problem; this problem never leaves you. There is a daily battle in my mind to keep control, and I was reminded of the power of this battle whilst babysitting on Thursday evening.
After putting my nephew to bed I sat watching TV and my mouth genuinely began to water. The new M&S advert was on, showing delicious items from their new grill range. The bit that did it for me was the squeezing of a burger…I won’t show you the picture as it is a little too x-rated for us ‘losers…food porn at it’s best!
I am not quite sure that the bowl of salad has the same effect…it didn’t do it for me, so I thought it was safe one to show! 
Then the inimitable Joan Collins lit up the screen, Snickers bar in hand; not in her mouth, interestingly enough. This was followed by an emotive advert from McDonalds, showing that old white men and young black guys do have something in common…the love of McDonalds. Most ‘old’ people that I know wouldn’t touch McDonalds with a barge-pole!
These adverts sent my mind into a spin. It is a long time since I have had cravings, or wanted to eat something like that. I thought that I had become all saintly but was bought back to earth with a bump! My mind started dreaming about burgers and my focus was purely on food. I struggled to stay ‘in the room’ and couldn’t tell you what was on TV after the adverts as my mind was in a different place. Venturing into the kitchen was out of the question though; I knew that it was a bad idea…plus, how could I explain to my sister the Weight Loss Bitch-sized dent in the food in her fridge?!
Looking at it rationally, I knew why the adverts got to me so much. It was because I had let myself go without eating for so long. Lunch had been over six hours earlier and I hadn’t eaten since then. I also knew that dinner hadn’t been prepared and that it would take an hour at least. Once my sister was home, I rushed back to my house and furiously began prepping dinner. I also wolfed down my Snack a Jacks whilst waiting for it to cook. They didn’t even register…mindless eating at it’s best!
Therein lies the key to success – planning and mindful eating. I posted a quote on my Facebook page this afternoon which reminded me of this event. It was a milder version of my ‘Ps’…”proper preparation prevents poor performance.” – Charlie Batch…my ‘Ps’ are ‘planning prevents piss poor performance’! Whilst I am not one for planning my meals a week in advance – yet this suits some people and is highly advisable – I do like to know when my dinner will be ready, and I have an idea as to how long it will take to cook. So when I start to feel the beginnings of a hunger pang, I can get prepping and my mind stays calm as I know that dinner is being dealt with.
Letting myself get to the stage I did – in the end I had gone over eight hours without eating…not good for my eating plan or my diabetes – meant that my mind was so focused on getting a fix. I shovelled Snack a Jacks into my mouth in the same way that coal is shovelled into a steam engine! I had no feeling of satisfaction or pleasure in eating something which I normally savour in the evening. It was a fix designed to shut the switch off in my head.
In a way, I was glad that this little episode happened. It showed me that I will always need to be on top of my situation. It showed me that I need to plan and be more mindful of my food and when I have last eaten. Yet it also showed me how far I have come. My sister has a cupboard in her house which is full of crisps. She also has a well-stocked fridge…and I managed not to venture near either of them! Bless her; she always tells me to help myself but I do think that she would be shocked if I did. I have told her of my binges of old and how much I used to consume, yet like me she has seen my progress and I think it would floor her if she came home to find me surrounded by crisp wrappers and bread crumbs! So I am pleased that nothing happened and that I stayed on track, yet pleased that something happened which highlighted a couple of areas that I need to pay attention to.
I will wrap this post up, but tomorrow I might delve a little deeper into the concept of mindful eating and planning as I think there will be some stuff that I can learn from. Of course, I will blog about it so that I can share it all with you too!
Right then, the usuals…
Well, I have no idea what has happened to me! My energy levels have been a little low this week and yet again it was a struggle to get going. I did manage to get up though – and before the alarm went off! – and got on the treadmill. I had to fit my workout in before heading off for more babysitting, and it was a bit of a push. My other half actually took a video of me during a rest break and I was almost throwing up. I will share it with you all one day…but it isn’t something to look forward to! Once that excitement was over, it was off down the road to babysit. Luckily, my other half came with me and he always steals the attention! My niece and nephew absolutely adore him, so he took them off to do some colouring whilst I watched a couple of episodes of ‘Obese: a year to save my life’ and what a bloody amazing show that is. I saw Lee Veasey and Liz Cooper I think it was – both of whom made amazing progress…and not a pill, potion or surgery in sight! So after that motivation boost I headed off to the horses and to the shops. It was a quick visit to the horses today, but tomorrow I am planning on poo-picking the field and pulling out ragwort – a poisonous plant. I haven’t been able to help with this kind of stuff for a while, and so hope that I can do that tomorrow afternoon as well as my usual workout in the morning. My Dad then called to tell me he’d spotted a shop selling Yankee Candles and that had a sale, and I was brave and went in! I even chatted to the manager about the merits of Yankee Candles vs the new ones, Kringle Candle, who are made by the guy who started Yankee…so that was my NSV (non-scale victory) for the day! Despite the lessons I learnt above, I had totally ignored them and ended up eating breakfast at 11.45am and not having lunch until 4.45pm…naughty, naughty, naughty! Then it was an early evening of dinner prep and relaxation, with a dash back to Asda as I had forgotten the rice for my sisters dinner that she had asked me to buy, and she was at work until 8pm with the car and her hubby was on nights and needed dinner before he went. That was another lesson learnt…write down requests! We are watching a film called ‘End of Watch’ tonight; I have no idea what it’s like, but it has Jake Gyllenhaal in it so that’s good enough for me.
Breakfast: Two Alpen light bars (6 syns) and a banana.
Lunch: Two BLT and cheese sandwiches (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB) with fruit salad.
Dinner: Italian chicken soup.
Snacks: Two packets of Snack a Jacks (9 syns).
My food today was good, albeit a little all over the place in terms of timing! Lunch was delicious as I haven’t had bacon in a while, and dinner was based on a recipe from the Little Book of Soups. I tweaked it by adding radishes, spinach and a red pepper though, and used mixed herbs instead of rosemary…and it tasted lovely…and I have leftovers for lunch which is always a bonus.
Exercise: 1 x 30 minute and 2 x 15 minute treadmill sessions, 10 minute BodyPump session and a 5 minute boxing session.
I was really rushed for time this morning, so ended up making my sessions a bit longer and closer together than usual. Stupidly, I didn’t eat breakfast beforehand either so this, along with pushing myself, meant that I felt a bit sick. But I was happy to get the workout in…especially as my other half said that my bum was looking loads smaller!
Enjoy the rest of your weekend my lovelies,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx
WeightLossBitch
On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!
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