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30Jul

Right then – as it’s weigh in day I guess that I had best confirm the status update for this week…

The scales were fairly friendly this morning, giving me another 2lbs off which takes my total loss to 14st 9.5lbs. I also got these…

20130730-152044.jpg15.5lbs lost in July, which I was thrilled about! Next week is my one year anniversary of proper focus on plan…for the first six months I buggered around, so whatever my total loss is next week, that figure minus 2st will be what I have managed to lose in a year without deprivation, surgery, pills, or faddy diets. I am quite looking forward to seeing what that number will be – and although it will be pushing it, I would love to hit the 15st off mark…so 4.5lbs is needed.

Group was good fun this morning; we have such a good bunch of people and it’s always a giggle. A Club 10 award was given out, and so the Club 10 was explained to the new member. Pizza Lady piped up and asked if you got your Club 10 and had claimed your free week, but then put weight back on, could you claim another free week when you reached a loss of 10% again! The obvious answer was, “No!”, and I couldn’t help but smile…she would end up being paid to attend with the yoyo-ing she does, bless her heart! I did like the wishful thinking though.

The lovely couple that attend had done well – or one half had. The hubby is now convinced – thanks to us winding him up – that his wife is stirring butter into his meals and feeding him sugar during the night whilst he sleeps with his mouth open! They are so lovely; I can’t wait for both of them to get to target. He isn’t far off, but she wants to lose a bit more from what she was telling me today.

My consultant has had a very tough weekend and admitted that she had over synned yesterday, which led into a discussion about how easy it is to do this really. I said that if you aren’t careful, by breakfast you could have done some damage…my old healthy breakfast would have been a big bowl of muesli – which if I synned it up would have been approximately 36 syns. Seriously! We have a little selection in group of pre-weighed Healthy B cereals – which equate to 6 syns each. When I look at the muesli, I know that I was having at least five to six times that amount…and many others agreed. So if you don’t measure your HEB, and then have some cheese at lunch which you haven’t measured, and don’t keep a track of syns in stuff like gravy or ketchup, and then have milk in your tea without measuring that…you could be looking at 50 syns plus yet actually convince yourself that you have been on plan.

We were trying to encourage a friend of mine to write a food diary, and this conversation showed how easy it is to lose track. Pizza Lady reminded us of the sandwich, crisps and drink combo our consultant had bought in a couple of weeks ago…40 syns I think it was! It is so easy to lose track and yet when we get on the scales and don’t get a good result, we blame the plan…yet the plan asks us to complete a food diary and to weigh and measure our food. I lose track of how many conversations like this I have with people. I see that they look glum, and so ask how their week has gone – to be told that it didn’t go well. Yet when I ask if they kept a food diary, “No”…when I ask how many syns they have had, “I don’t know as I don’t really count them”…how can you feel let down by the plan when actually you have been the one to let yourself down? If you want to lose the weight badly enough, then a food diary is no hardship, neither is weighing or measuring the few items that we are asked to weigh and measure! That might sound harsh, but you are only deluding yourself at the end of the day – you get fed up and depressed and send yourself right off plan…crazy! If you are losing weight, then who cares…but if the results aren’t there then you have to ask yourself if you really are doing all that you can. The funny thing is, these people tend to be the ones with books that look like brand new…open them and have a read…you might learn something! ;-)

Bless Pizza Lady…I had said that as I don’t own kitchen scales, I buy the ‘grab n go’ healthy extras – the stuff you don’t have to weigh and measure. She piped up and said that she has a Muller light for breakfast each day…and then added that it’s everything after breakfast that she has the problem with. She does make me smile!

My favourite lady in group is a Bajan lady who loves her food as much as I do! We swap soup recipes and I often think that it would be great to get an invite to her house to taste some Bajan food…but I think she would derail my journey for at least a week! She made me smile today after telling us that she had been eating cupcakes this week. She has at least enough grandchildren for an eleven-aside football team, and told us that they have been baking whilst off school. If she takes a cake from one of them, then the others get upset…so she has one from each of them in order to avoid a riot. This obviously scuppers her weight loss chances! My answer is to not have any off any of them…but I don’t think this would ever happen. I really like this lady – she is a real supporter of mine and I am of her…I desperately wish she could keep her focus, as she does so well when she has a week on plan. Her thoughts are though that coming to Slimming World and even maintaining has prevented her from putting on at least 6st…and she has a point. There is no shame at all in maintaining your weight for a while. I am sure that I will have times when this happens, and just attending group helps you to stay in control.

Anyway. Let me make reference to the blog post title – ‘Cheat Day Dilemma’. I have now been on plan for very nearly a year with total focus. The previous six months were very up and down yet I still managed to lose 2st during that time. Since August last year I have been very focused, but I used to allow myself a cheat day on Tuesday after weigh in, and would often have a takeaway in the evening along with whatever else I fancied. It got to the stage though that I didn’t want to do this any longer, and so I stopped this mid-January.

However, I had been having a chat with my other half, saying how I would just love a day where I didn’t have to think about food. One where I could just eat whatever I wanted without worrying about syns. His opinion was that one day probably wouldn’t hurt. My opinion was mixed. On the one hand, the thought of being able to go to Bens Cookies and Hotel Chocolat was very appealing…as was the breakfast batches that my local butchers make! On the other, the thought of letting my eating become out of control again…as one thing has a tendency to lead to another with me…well, that didn’t bear thinking about really. So I decided to have a chat with my consultant after group.

Her opinion went with my ‘on the other hand’ thoughts! She feels that if I could just have one meal off plan, or even one day off plan, then it might not be so bad in terms of my weight loss. Yet the psychological impact – the guilt, the worry about getting on the scales, the feelings of letting myself and others down – is just not worth it. She knows me so well and understands that I would beat myself up over a day off plan. The psychological aspects of my weight loss this time around have been crucial – tackling emotional eating, facing up to what I did and how I used food – and to jeopardise that could send me into a little downwards spiral. You wouldn’t offer an ex drug user their preferred drug of choice if they had been ‘good’ for a year…and for people like myself who had (still have) serious food addiction issues, it is the same – regardless of those people out there who make think that that sounds like a load of old bollocks!

So I have decided that I am going to make some of my favourite ‘cravy’ meals this week to help keep me focused. I kind of feel in limbo almost. I have come so far, yet still have so far to go. I have given up a good career to do this, yet am not in a place to start a new one yet. I am able to do so much more than I could physically, but yet not able to do all that I want to. I still can’t fit into clothes from the likes of Evans or Simpy Be. It can be quite frustrating, and whilst these feelings do spur me on at times, they can also be a little overwhelming and it is hard not to drift back into old habits of filling my time and soothing my concerns with food. Yes – I do still need help! ;-)

Anyway, other than group this morning, today has been fairly quiet…

I woke up early and prepared to do some work on my other half’s project, but the system was down. Had I not already showered and changed, I think I might have headed back to bed as my group isn’t until later in the morning! My developing addiction to ’24′ was dealt with though, as this extra time meant that I could fit in a couple of episodes before group. Once group had finished we headed to the horses and to the shops. I had to pick up some bits for my sister, so took those to her. I arrived to find her going ballistic at Indesit over the phone…she has a washer/drier from Hotpoint which has had more repairs than I can even list! Over the past couple of months she has had four engineers not turn up for appointments or bringing broken parts and my Mum has been washing her clothes for her. Another engineer arrived this morning and fixed the machine, it then broke, so he came back…and yes, it broke again! The customer service has been appalling at Indesit and her Domestic & General policy is awful…the money that has been spent trying to repair it is crazy; they would have been far better off replacing the machine. The chap this morning says they have nearly replaced all of the parts in the machine now! My sister is not a lady to be crossed and even I felt sorry for the people at Indesit – however they aren’t helping…not returning calls, hanging up on her, not letting her speak to a manager etc. She is never rude to them – and works in that type of environment herself – but I would not like to have her on the end of a phone, but I suppose if they did the job properly…! Once she had ranted at them, and recalled her rant for my benefit, we caught up for an hour or so. The kids were in fine form and I had a look at the maths work my niece had done – bless her…she is too clever for her own good at times! The afternoon has been quiet – and no doubt I will spend more time watching ’24′ later on this evening.

Breakfast: Banana.

20130730-152735.jpgLunch: Quorn burgers (2 x HEA and 2 x HEB).

20130730-152814.jpgDinner: Quorn and mixed bean ratatouille with roast sweet potato, butternut squash and potato chunks.

20130730-185919.jpgSnacks: French Fries (24 syns).

20130730-152938.jpgAn immense food day – my burgers were the shizz! The Quorn red onion and beef style burgers are syn free…and I had the idea of recreating a good burger. My eyes however were bigger than my tummy – I thought that I could eat them no problem, yet I was stuffed…although I did naughtily finish the last bit rather than leaving it…I must get over the habit of clearing my plate! Dinner was a mix of veggies and tinned tomatoes, with a can of mixed beans and some Quorn mince with garlic, chilli and herbs. I used my Tefal Actifry to roast some chunks of potato, sweet potato and butternut squash to go with it – and it was lovely.

Exercise: Nothing other than my mouth has been exercise today!

Thank you for reading guys – I hope you are all having a good week so far?

Weight Loss Bitch xxx

  

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