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29Jan

“To accomplish great things we must not only act, but also dream, not only plan but also believe”- Anatole France.

Poignant words for such a fitting couple of days.

Before I take this post any further I would like to thank you all for your continued support, your love, your comments, your best wishes and your constant input when Epilepsy awareness is involved.

Yesterday a little trophy popped up on the right hand side of my word press blog to inform me that it was the first birthday of Sazzle’s blog.

Overjoyed at something so simple as a little icon on my monitor it started to sink in the posts I’ve written over the past year and how much of my life has been detailed so far on this blog.

As you are all aware this blog was created originally so I could document my feelings towards a condition that I felt deprived me of achieving my goals, making accurate decisions that would benefit my future and accepting the fact that Epilepsy is a part of me as it is a part of everyone in it’s path.

Let’s just say a part of me didn’t want to accept my Epilepsy. To me the only way I could accept I had it is when it’s gone entirely.

Compared to other illnesses/conditions that tend to get far greater media coverage I thought I would chip in and get my contribution out there to see if we all could relate to one another and get the answers about my condition I’d longed for. Never for a second did I think it would get noticed.

The quote chosen today is one that has made me believe that the inevitable can be achieved and although this blog has not been published and isn’t sitting in high street stores for all to read the followers who have been here since the offset will see how important writing Sazzle’s blog is to me.

Having Epilepsy for 20 years has been a battle since childhood and although currently seizure free Epilepsy has called the shots and prior to writing Sazzle’s blog forced me into making a change.

As corny as it may sound you have all been there to witness the concerns I’ve had both past and present and have given me some fulfilment in my life whenever I now mention the word Epilepsy as I know I’m not alone.

The advice you have given is second to none and the contribution you have made to me whether it be via your own personal blogs, websites or just general advice has allowed me to make subtle changes in my life for the better.
I truly hope that I have made you see that although it’s extremely hard to come to terms with your condition that acceptance is key and that there can be light at the end of the tunnel.

Being diagnosed at eight years old was the first chapter in which my family had to accommodate a condition none of us ever asked for.

When it comes to Epilepsy I witness so many people both face to face and online have this struggle to accept that this is a part of their life. I was and still are one of these people.

Although I sit here writing about my experiences there is still a part of me wondering when the next seizure will arise, whether a shaking episode is around the corner and whether I will resort back to old habits. The only difference now is that I have hope. I didn’t have it back then.

Throughout this time medication has been a chore, although a necessity neurologist appointments have felt like they lasted an eternity and albeit the medical profession the idea of leaving my life in someone else’s hands has on occasion made me feel rather uncomfortable. I have come to realise that these worries aren’t solely my own but happen to us all particularly when our loved ones have to endure the same concerns as we do.

I’ve said this previously but their love doesn’t just provide us with that stability but gives us the second chance to want to move forward and to do this knowing that we have their support.

After reading a recent blog post by my friend Angela I became extremely emotional as like many parents out there has a child with Epilepsy who every day proves to both her and the world that he has the strength to continue and that the love his family bring gives him the belief to fight Epilepsy with all his might.

Reading from her perspective made me rewind back fifteen years when my parents were suffering the same asking all the relevant questions to determine what path they were to walk with their daughter. The people who stand by us are the people who should be praised and should be given credit where credits due.

Along with Angela I’ve spoken with advocates across the world who have formed their own websites, have given an insight into their family’s emotional connection with Epilepsy, have created their own blog posts, have and are in the process of doing sponsored events and who have frequent meetings with the Epilepsy community to generate awareness on this condition.

This in itself brings me great happiness as when I was a youngster although there were support groups available there was always this fear that my opinions on my new found condition may have been misinterpreted and that people could not associate with how I was feeling at the time.

Looking back at the seizures, the shakes, the worries of how other people will analyse my condition has caused me distress over the years however is something that could have been prevented if I thought differently.

Instead of sitting here now beating myself up about how I could alter past events I now sit here thinking to myself that thinking this way will not prevent an episode from arising.

A question for you. Have you ever thought that’s it’s not necessarily you that has the problem but it’s others that don’t wish to understand?

What I’ve learnt is that everyone’s personalities are different. Maybe people are uncomfortable approaching the situation, maybe people just don’t know what to say.

If we can say we are trying our utmost to be positive and to live life the best way we can under the circumstances we have then why should we sit here questioning ourselves because by having faith in ourselves may put this negativity we have to bed.

As for the rest of the week..

Exercise- Well.. The Davina DVD is getting hammered and I’m starting to see that my figure is getting a little more defined. That and feeling the burn from my friend Michelle’s ab routine she set me.

Food- The actual food itself has been reduced and is extremely tasty. The only down side is the temptation against sweet treats. Yesterday I succumbed to two mini gingerbread men and a small flapjack at work. Today’s a new day!

Family- Still as daft as a ships cat but I love them.

To conclude today’s post. People believe that accomplishing great things gives you power however my interpretation of power is ensuring that those mini victories in life such as making a cup of tea when you have shaky hands, being able to leave the house when you feel apprehensive or being able to try something new is acknowledged and makes you feel good. It’s about breaking a cycle you’ve wanted for so long to do.

You know what I think about all of you and your contribution to generating Epilepsy awareness. It has been a pleasure over the past year to speak to you all and to get my story out there so we can all bond and have that time to reflect on what’s important in life.

I’ll leave you with a final quote that I hope sums this post up:

“Understanding brings control”- Bonewitz

And I now understand what Epilepsy is.. Long may this continue.

  

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