Today has been purely focussed on Mr WLB…who is experiencing his first day of giving up smoking!
Bless him – he is really going through it. For him, smoking was a way of deflecting his feelings. He really suffered quite badly with anxiety and panic attacks for a number of years…and I don’t think that you ever truly get rid of these feelings. He has learnt to manage it well, very well – and even wrote a book about his journey to overcome these feelings. I am so immensely proud of him and what he has achieved.
Yet the smoking is an issue. He knows that it’s no good for him and it costs a bloody fortune too. Given that we are both on a healthy living mission, and have a personal trainer who is about to kick us into shape, it just doesn’t make sense not to address this smoking habit. But we have to overcome the emotional connection with them too.
So my mission for 2nd February 2014 was to get Mr WLB through the day without a cigarette!
Now, given that I preach about not going from a sinner to a saint overnight, I could hardly expect him to go cold turkey. We have loaded up with those vapour cigarettes…and he also loaded the trolley with food yesterday in Asda. So he has been making vapour, eating pizza, chupa-chups, breadsticks and dips…and complaining – a lot. It has been a very trying day…a very long and trying day.
As someone who has never smoked – apart from the odd drunken drag on a fag – I cannot claim to know how he feels. I would like to understand. I did a bit of research and most of the people I spoke with have said that they found giving up smoking far easier than they have sticking to a healthy eating plan. So whilst I am not looking to compare, or looking for a medal for getting this far with my weight loss, I understand that I have been through some pretty shitty days and experienced some very strong cravings and emotions.
That said, I have a choice. If I want to reach my goal then I have to go through a few difficult moments…nothing worth having comes easy, as ‘they’ say!
Last night Mr WLB had his last cigarette at 11.32pm. 11.32am was a milestone…which he celebrated with an exasperated sigh and a speech about maybe having one just to see how it makes him feel!
I have driven some house cleaning activity today – the dining table has been moved, the sofas cleaned under, his gadget cables sorted and cleaned and moved, his gadgets cleaned, the under-stairs cupboard cleaned out. I suggested lifting weights each time he felt frustrated – so lots of weights have been lifted. He has eaten a lot of food – and gone through almost a bag of chupa-chups. We have snuck into bed a few times for heart to heart talks. I have made him laugh and relieved tension, and made him cry and created frustration. He has had a nice long soak in the bath. He has said it has been the longest day EVER…and it’s not over yet.
Our heart to heart talks have been painful. He uses a lot of self-defeating language…about why he can’t do this. He focuses on the negative…not realising just how well he is doing. He cannot see the positives and how the mindset is crucial for success…so I will work on that with him. In fact, I think I have already pissed him off enough for the day – so we might try some more of that tomorrow!
What he doesn’t realise though is that I know how bloody marvellous it feels to achieve something that you never thought was possible. Just one day can give you such a boost. Just one day of not smoking, and just one day of being in control of your food. I have gone to bed so many times before, guilty that I gave in and ate what I felt like. Yet I have also gone to bed having cracked just one day…and it feels amazing. You all know what that feeling is like too!
So when he set me the challenge of getting him smoke free for a day, I don’t think he realised how seriously I would take it. He asked me to keep the five cigarettes he had left. I have hidden these and I have a feeling that he keeps secretly trying to find out where they are!
He reluctantly decided to write a little bit for you…
It’s Mr WLB here and I decided to write my feelings down today on how I see there being a lot of similarities between trying to give up smoking trying to lose weight.
Both are very difficult to do.
I’m on day one of being a non-smoker. My last cigarette was at 11.32pm last night. It’s been over 20 hours since my last one.
I’m using a combination of an ecig and Nicorette mist to keep me off the nasty analogue ones! Accordingly to the chatter online apparently analogue smokes are so last year and ecigs are the way forward!
Ultimately, I would love to be totally nicotine free, but just don’t feel head strong enough to go completely cold turkey.
Overall it has been pretty tough but I’m pleased to say it’s the longest I have been smoke free for since WLB and I have been together and that’s over 12 years. (WLB has just told me that she thinks it’s been over 11 years and 12 years this March…I am a bit rubbish with dates!)
I’m not saying I will never smoke a stinky ciggy again. My aim for now is to get to the 24 hour point and see how I feel.
I think it’s similar to weight loss. If someone told you that you would never get to eat a chocolate bar, have a packet of crisps or have or any other food vice again I think it can put too much pressure on you. So what I’m trying to say is that taking one day at a time can be a good strategy. Fingers crossed I will get through tonight and wake up tomorrow morning with a smile on my face that I’m over 24 hours smoke free. If I have a knock back and do light up I know that I won’t end up binging on cigarettes. WLB through her blog has educated me into thinking that if I do have knock back there is no point going back to my defeatist old ways and smoking 30 plus a day! What I would need to do is get myself on track as quickly as I can.
I guess having an ecig is a bit like having a HiFi bar as a chocolate substitute. Not quite the same but it will do.’
Bless his heart! Obviously the fact that I love him to bits means that I hoping to help coach him through this. If all else fails though, I do still weigh 25st near as dammit…so I could always lie on top of him and pin him down!
Brunch: Kedgeree (2.5 syns).Dinner: Hot smoked salmon salad with cheese and wholemeal rolls (HEA and 2 x HEB).Snacks: Greek yogurt with pineapple and mango, and mini Green & Blacks bars (12.5 syns).An okay food day. My brunch was huge and so filling. It was the recipe in the new Extra Easy cookbook. Very tasty, very filling…I ate the veggies out of it first and was stuffed…but found it within myself to finish the nice rice and fish combo that was left. Oh, and I used smoked river cobbler instead of haddock as it was £1.50 cheaper. Dinner was supposed to be a Chinese noodle dish from the same book, but I didn’t fancy noodles as I wasn’t that hungry…so had a salad instead. The red pepper things look quite scary, but they are sweet peppers and not chilli peppers. And some fruit and chocolate was needed for a mental boost this evening after my trying day!
Exercise: Not a lot at all…a lovely PJ day!
Thank you for reading – spare a thought for Mr WLB!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx