19st 0.5lbs lost…and ‘Greatest Loser’ for my wonderful group. I bloody love Slimming World!
It was a great morning – my group are an amazing bunch!
I lost 0.5lbs…which is obviously in the right direction, although I do get a little frustrated with the effort in vs weight off equation! But I am over moaning about it…if this is how my body decides to respond, then so be it. I am going to take a closer look at my food and see what tweaks I can make. My eating has been good and food is cooked from scratch (apart from today when I have opened lots of packets!) and I am managing my diabetes well…so I am working my way towards healthy in a nice steady fashion.
My choice of hair style this morning got me lots of compliments – which made me smile…but also made me wonder how awful I usually look! I knew that I was getting the award today, which involves a photo being taken, and so I thought that I had best make an effort. ‘Make an effort’ translates as washing and straightening my hair, putting some lip balm on, and a bit of mascara! I was yet again told that I look in my mid-twenties…thank you Mum for my good skin! I usually go straight to the horses or the gym after group, so my hair is always scraped back and I always wear the same clothes for getting weighed…so I guess it was a shock for people!
The award then…’Greatest Loser 2014′ for my group. What a great feeling that is. I never thought that I would reach the point where I got that award last year…let alone sticking with it and getting it this year too. I never thought it possible to lose what I have without having weight loss surgery.
It was a great moment to stand up in front of my group and explain some of the differences with my life now.
Mr WLB was my carer…I couldn’t stand in the shower, so he helped clean me and helped me go to the bathroom…he helped me dress…he looked after the house…he used to muck out the horses and looked after them too for me. That’s no kind of relationship really…and I am so thankful that he loves me enough to stick with me through thick and thin…literally!
I remember asking him to wake up at night if I nudged him…as I used to go to bed scared that I wouldn’t wake up. I also had to tell him that if he ever needed to call an ambulance for me, that he needed to make sure that it was a bariatric ambulance…a big bugger capable of taking my weight. I remember falling asleep in my chair downstairs during conversations in the middle of the day…my body was shutting down.
Visiting the theatre and going to watch comedy gigs…going out for lunch in the pub…speaking at Slimming World groups…going to university for my second Masters degree…taking my niece and nephew out to the park. I used to shut myself away and hide. I avoided friends. I missed out on so much of my twenties.
My confidence – which I always had too much of some would say, but that got squished and took a battering – has returned. I feel genuinely happy. I still have life issues…money worries, career concerns, a house with a leaky roof, a car that is making awfully strange noises…but I feel happy. I am thankful to be alive!
Tears were almost shed. My Mum couldn’t be at group today, but my lovely Aunt was there and she told my group how proud that my family were. Pizza Lady had been astounded that the weight loss surgery guys had told me that I would be dead by the time I was 35 years old. I tried to explain that this genuinely was the case. My Aunt agreed. She explained how much my family loved me, but that they had been so concerned and all shared the view that they wouldn’t have had much time left with me if I hadn’t done something about my situation…this was when I almost cried.
I regret putting my family through that. I love each and every one of them dearly…but I have to admit that, at times, I loved the food more. It felt like an addiction…but in hindsight, I think that I was addicted to the habit, and the emotional release rather than the food itself. I just wish that I had been able to get through life without giving them that worry. You can’t look back though…I can only try and make amends and show them how determined I am to crack this weight loss once and for all.
Tears were shed actually. A lovely friend at group – who goes to my aquafit class – got a bit teary at one point…I couldn’t look too much though as I was worried that I would start…and of course I had that bloody mascara on!
My consultant – who is an amazing lady – recalled the time that I called her about joining group…or rejoining! She said that she remembers me telling her that this was my last chance. If I couldn’t lose weight, then I couldn’t have my surgery, and I would die. So no pressure for her then really! She supported my decision regarding the surgery, and we often chatted about this during those first rocky six months. She never tried to convince me not to have it…had she done this, I probably would have kicked back and bloody well gone through with it! She encouraged me, she supported me, she never let me forget group…even when I would make excuses and not turn up. So I owe her a big ‘thank you’. She knows, as do you and I, that unless I wanted to do it then nothing she could say or do would have made me stick with it…for me, it’s more about what she hasn’t said – not too much pressure, but just the right amount I would say!
So that was group…a wonderful morning!
I am not entering for the national competition. I still have over 13st to lose…and to be honest, I am hardly a Slimming World poster girl at the moment…I still look like a ‘before’ photo! I don’t want that attention just yet…I am more than happy to mooch along and see where I am this time next year…or maybe even the year after…who knows what this strange body of mine will do!
Other than group, I have been to my aquafit class and have been trying to catch up with my Mum. She moved house today but it has been a stressful one – she slipped and fell over, hurting her knee…the removals company men were miserable gits and kept moaning about having to wait for keys, and then moaned about the fact that my Mum’s new house is off the street – in fact, one said that they would have to charge her more, haha – I don’t fecking think so mister ‘job and finish’! So I managed to catch up with her briefly, but am going back as much as I can this week to help her settle. She has to get the rooms ready for her foster mum and baby…so it’s all a bit hectic. Tonight I am going to relax…I am feeling a bit run down this week and need some TLC – nudge, nudge Mr WLB
I only bloody forgot that it was pancake day and forgot to make up my ‘Magic Pancake’ batter…so I am having my pancakes tomorrow instead! Bananas to take to group for after weigh in. My lovely Asda meatfree burgers, with gherkins, and salad with balsamic vinegar. A really lazy dinner of Pasta’n’Sauce with added red onion, peas, sweetcorn, mushrooms, green beans and carrots. And my lovely Velvet Crunch for my full syn day Tuesday!
Exercise: 30 minutes aquafit.
Thank you for reading…and good luck to all of my fellow ‘Greatest Losers’…you all deserve to win!
Weight Loss Bitch xxx