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16Mar

“It’s better to be a lion for a day than a sheep all your life”- Sister Elizabeth Kenny.

What a strange quote but a one that didn’t half grab my attention. A quote that immediately made me wonder whether I want to follow in the direction of others or whether I want to put my own stamp on life. Whatever the choice it’s your choice and yours alone. No one can make that decision for you.

The ultimate question is where does Epilepsy rank when making your choice? Well let’s just put it bluntly it doesn’t have to. This question is a one that doesn’t just apply to people with Epilepsy it applies to all walks of life and you know what whatever decision you make, there’s no wrong answer.

I decided today to write a post; a one that explains exactly what my decision would be and whether all of you can relate to this decision. Give me your feedback if you want.

When I was younger I never knew what life had in store in fact I was like everyone else trying to find her feet and juggle a condition along the way. For years I was looking for an answer to a question that would repeatedly enter my head that being “Why me?”

Those two words would frequently come and would result in me kicking myself in the arse for no apparent reason and wondering why Epilepsy had to grace my silver screen. It was a condition I didn’t want but more importantly it was a condition I didn’t fully understand.

Growing up I aspired to be something I wasn’t. I’m now at a stage in life where I can say that and I’m not ashamed to say it. I wanted to be everything to everyone and you know what? You can’t please everyone all of the time. Sometimes you’re damned if you do and you’re damned if you don’t.

As I’ve grown older life wouldn’t be life if it didn’t have it’s problems. Whether I suffered from Epilepsy or not the question doesn’t lie with whether my condition prevented me from being successful or whether it was me that did that of my own accord.

My interpretation of the sheep vs the lion is not necessarily the fact that being a sheep is you joining the herd and marching to everyone else’s tune but to me my version of the sheep is the person I thought I had to be to accommodate my Epilepsy. It’s safe to say that my condition had it’s moments that would result in me feeling blue however my attitude didn’t help.

It was about me worrying so much that it became detrimental to my stronger days, the days where I should have been living life and not worrying about it.

To be a lion for a day doesn’t mean that you have the right to lord it over everyone else and burden them with your problems however to be a lion means that you’re taking ownership of your own life and by extension are accepting both the accomplishments and the pitfalls that life has to offer, this includes the condition that you have.

Without putting a dampener on the whole situation my mindset then was all to pot and I wasn’t thinking clearly.
I would whinge about my condition and put obstacles in my way.

Instead of realising what life had to offer and looking at what was around me I was standing in a place that I didn’t want to accept. Although I had Epilepsy and wasn’t afraid to discuss it amongst others I was the one who couldn’t accept my condition therefore I was the onE who couldn’t quite come to terms with the fact that I could be the lion if I wanted to. There had to be a time where you let go.

Many may question my theory and say “Saz it’s not as easy as it looks” and I can sympathise fully. I do however believe that in time everyone can get there if they want to. It’s about realising your potential, not taking things for granted, bring you and not someone others want you to be along with eliminating unnecessary worry from your life and embracing the things around you.

You’re bound to feel different from others as you’re battling a condition out of your control however if you look at what I’ve just written from a different perspective everyone’s fighting a battle sometimes you just don’t see it.

Maybe their questioning is exactly the same as yours, that being “Can I be the lion, or am I destined to be a sheep my entire life?” Whatever you feel, people will come across the same barriers therefore by raising awareness in our work is so important.

As for the remainder of my week…

Work, work and more work.

Eating wise I am going to be honest and say that I have succumbed to chocolate. My eating pattern has resulted in me eating better and apart from the rather bland chips I had at work on Friday the healthy eating is going well.

Exercise. The aim is to do a minimum of 4 times per week. I lost 1lb on Thursday’s weigh in so I was rather chuffed! The aim is not to be scrawny but to ensure my skinny jeans remain that way and actually flatter my arse instead of making it look like a 30 bob cabbage!

Finally I was out with friends on Thursday and by gosh what a night we had. After consuming a rather delicious meal (accompanied with a couple of glasses of pinot gricio) I went to the theatre to see Fame the musical and had a delightful night.

After watching approximately 20 dancers on stage strutting their stuff I decided that enough was enough and that no excuses are to prevent me from having a toned bod! No I’m no theatrical performer however I will be happier in my skinny jeans.. that is definitely a plan!

To conclude today’s post. Your choices are your choices no one can make those for you. You can receive unlimited advice however you have to make the final decision, You have to conclude your own story. As for being a sheep or a lion you can form your own interpretation of that question and decide whether Epilepsy is factored into your answer.

For me I have Epilepsy therefore although I have to take my condition into account Epilepsy is something that shouldn’t define you it should be something that makes you see how capable you can be and how Epilepsy is making you stronger each day. Never underestimate the lion in you because it’s there somewhere.

  

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