Weigh-in day today…and one of those days for me!
I lost 1lb. I got my 19.5st award…
…but I am not feeling the love today. There is not really much that anyone can say. I am fed up and whilst the award is great I just feel that 1lb for the six sessions of exercise, resisting takeaways and bbq burgers, and staying on track all week is not good enough. I appreciate that I have lost a huge amount of weight…but I still have just under 13st to shift – and losing it at a rate of 1lb per week is not good enough.
I was miserable in group. I asked someone to shut up (not a member…an irritating lady who gives a running commentary on everything despite not being on the plan!) as they were yabbering away behind me and I couldn’t hear the other members speaking, I added my views on people who tweak the plan, and I lost my temper with my wonderful Mum over horse wormer…fecking horse wormer of all things, and I was almost in tears whilst on the phone to Mr WLB about my weight loss. I think my consultant was glad to see the back of me…the minuscule 1lb lighter back of me.
So today is a poor me day. I don’t want sympathy. I want a magic pill to melt this fat quickly…but as I know there is no such thing as a quick fix I headed to the gym straight after weigh-in to take out my frustration there…rather than at the local all you can eat Chinese buffet!
My trainer was there and we had a chat. He’s advised a ‘holiday’ – a little long weekend away from the gym. I am allowed to go to my Pilates class though! I am going to stay away from the gym on Friday and next Monday, and have a bit of a break. He knows that my eating is on track – we discussed splitting my food into four meals each day…which is kind of how it works as I have my brekkie, lunch, dinner, and snack at night. I am going to get my ‘bible’ out – not the Slimming World book, although that is just as worthy, but my nutrition bible ‘Essentials of Human Nutrition’ and plough through parts of that again and see what I can do to get the weight shifting.
Apologies in advance, but you might see me working through some theories over the next few days!
So group was okay, but I wasn’t myself. I could feel my emotions building and I needed to go and do something productive with them which resulted in a lack of focus during group. It seems that Pizza Lady has a contender for her crown…Bread and Butter Lady! Between the two of them it is a wonder my consultant has any semblance of sanity left. One thing I know for certain about my future – apart from the fact that I will eventually die – is that I will never become a Slimming World consultant…I would love to work for the company, but I just couldn’t do that job – and my consultant agrees!
Despite her amazing ability to communicate the plan in a clear and concise way, she can’t sit and make people read their books. I did have one lady tell me today that she read a little bit of her book this week…she has been a member of this group for longer than I have – and I joined in February 2012! She said how interesting it was – how I managed not to say, ‘No shit Sherlock!’ I will never know. It is interesting to note that she had a loss again this week, which is the first consecutive loss in a long, long while for her. Whilst I am thrilled that she is making progress, I can’t help wonder how much more progress she could be making if she fully embraced the Slimming World plan. But, each to their own…you have to make the change for yourself.
After group, and the gym, I headed to Asda for supplies – as my lovely Mum went and saw to the horses for me today. I don’t like being around them when I am in such a mood as they sense it.
So the ‘Seriously?!’ title of tonight’s blog post also relates, yet again, to swearing. I woke up this morning to a lovely message from a very concerned blog reader who wondered why ‘an obviously intelligent woman had to be so rude and use such vile language’ in last nights blog post. I double-checked when it had been sent as, for a moment, I wondered if it was an April Fools prank – as she also stated that she finds my blog posts really interesting, and I wondered what she has been reading, as I often drop F and C bombs! Alas, it seems that this was a serious complaint!
It makes me smile that when, amongst all of the angst and emotional stuff I share, the one thing that gets picked up on is the use of swear words. Seriously?! I talk about eating disorders, my PCOS, my endometrial hyperplasia, fertility issues, my incredible binging, my weight of 43st 5.5lbs which is hard to envisage, the struggles I have in shifting this weight, the workplace bullying, the self-esteem issues, the confidence building, the psychological tools I have used to combat these issues…
Personally I feel that paedophilia, genocide, rape, genital mutilation, homophobia – the list is long – is ‘vile’…the use of the ‘c’ word is not a big deal for me…I have no issues with language that may be considered as ‘vile’ depending upon the context. I think that there are far worse crimes out there than having a mouth that occasionally swears!
As I have already written extensively about swearing – twice! – I am not going to dwell on it too much. Needless to say that I will continue to swear. I don’t have an issue with it. I don’t do it all of the time…but the blog posts are emotive and that’s when my swearing gets switched on. If you don’t like it, then you don’t have to read the blog. Sending me a message regarding my swearing will not get the desired outcome of me never swearing again…in fact, it results in me reading the said message and saying out loud, ‘Oh do fuck off!’
Mr WLB asked me if he thought that my occasional swearing might put some people off – and would they want to work with me as coaching clients. ‘Yes’ and ‘No’ was my answer…yes, it may put some people off – and no, these people are unlikely to want to work with me. But actually, I doubt that I would want to work with this type of person – as coaching, for me, is emotive and holds a mirror up to behaviour…it’s direct, to the point, and action-oriented…and during these moments the odd swear word might pop out! You have to be authentic. I rarely swear during my coaching sessions – unless the coachee swears, as I can behave in company and can communicate in a manner in which they prefer to communicate!
I swear during this blog as it’s mine…it’s my life – the stuff that happens each day, my emotions, and my fecking words! I swear responsibly in person…you don’t have to agree with me or my words…but I won’t be changing as there is nothing as satisfying as a good swear occasionally…especially now that I don’t have the emotional release of a massive food binge!
That’s it for today folks! My swearing and my mood are going to go and hibernate for the evening. You might want to send some positive vibes in the direction of Mr WLB – who is currently taking the ‘silence is the best option’ route this evening. I might catch up with ‘Revenge’ and ‘My Mad Fat Diary’.
An okay food day – Mr WLB made me laugh last night as he asked me if it had been an okay food day…apparently this is a term – much like the word ‘feck’ – that I use a lot! But yes, it has been another okay food day! My usual bananas for my post weigh-in brekkie. I used some leftover hummus and salad to fill a couple of wholemeal rolls for my lunch, which I took to the gym with me…they stunk my locker out as there was quite a lot of garlic in them. Dinner was good. A jacket sweet potato with veggie curry and Linda Mc sausages…the curry had tomatoes, peppers, mushrooms, onions, courgette, baked beans, garlic, chilli flakes, and madras powder in it. And my French Fries for my weigh-in day use of my full syns treat!
Exercise: 20 minutes elliptical machine, 13 minutes hand-bike, and 18 minutes on the treadmill.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx