My guilty pleasure is watching ‘Made in Chelsea’ – I have to say that I love the foulness and stupidity of some of the cast members…it has me screaming at the TV!
I wrote last year about the fact that being beautiful doesn’t always mean that people treat you with respect…and it certainly doesn’t mean that you end up with the kind of love you dream of. You can see this firsthand on these reality TV shows – Spencer is a dirty dog who cheats on some of the most amazingly beautiful women. Jamie plays around. As for Alex…well, I have no words to describe that man – actually, I do have quite a few descriptive delights..but they include the word ‘cunt’ and I know how you hate that word so I will rein myself in!
So if these gorgeous girls on the show get cheated on – despite the ‘scripted’ element – then what hope is there for the standard lady out there? Then there are people like Cheryl Cole, Sandra Bullock, Jennifer Aniston, Halle Berry – all of them have been given the rough end of the stick (hopefully their other half’s sticks felt rough after copping off with ladies of questionable origin!) and yet all of them are beautiful ladies who seemingly have it all. I guess that looks and a killer figure don’t mean that you get treated any better.
I giggled when I wrote ‘Cheryl Cole’ – my sister was shopping the other day at a not-for-profit garden centre which is run in conjunction with a charity who help people with learning disabilities. To cut a long story short, one of the lovely workers there told her that she looked like Cheryl Cole…and as she was walking around, kept shouting ‘Cheryl!’ at her…and was desperate to serve her when they had finished shopping. Now, as much as I love and adore my sister – and think that she is beautiful both on the inside and the outside – she is not a Cheryl Cole lookalike. I laughed when she told me the story – she was so flattered, but is under no illusion. I would love to arrange for the real Cheryl to visit this lad…he would probably tell her that she looked like Dawn French!
Anyway – I have to say that dreaming about living the life of a beautiful woman kept me going through many a tough day. I would always tell myself that my ‘diet’ would start tomorrow and then everything would be okay once I was slim. Not blowing my own trumpet, but I was standing in the right queue when they were handing out the looks and have always been told, “you would be gorgeous if you could just lose weight”…so being slim meant that I too could have that great life that I saw these women leading! How wrong and naive was I? And a little twisted too!
This is known as ‘arrival fallacy’ in psychological terms…I call it the ‘Cinderella complex’ – when you tell yourself life will be amazing when…when I am thin / 11st / a size 10.
An old friend of mine once told me that he was pleased that I was fat as he thought that I would have been a bitch otherwise. He didn’t mean it in a nasty way though. What he then went on to say was that I had a quick wit, great personality and was beautiful…and so if I had had the figure to go with it, I would have been devastating! Bless him, he did make me laugh, yet I guess he was right. God, I sound like a dick don’t I?! ‘Quick wit, personality and beauty’…but they were honestly his words, not mine!
The experiences that I have had have shaped the way I am today. I fear that had I not been fat that I would indeed have been a bit of a bitch. My worry is that I would have turned into someone that I wouldn’t like…perhaps flirting and shagging my way to the top of my chosen career, or using men for my own gain. My relationships at work have been based on my ability and personality. My friendships have been based on the same. I can safely say that I like myself. I like my personality.
Yes, I need to lose weight. And yes, that weight loss is changing my life. It won’t take away all of my problems, but I am glad in a way that I have experienced what I have. Being fat has taught me to use other facets of myself that might not have been uncovered. I get respect for who I am and not what I look like, and I get respect because I give it. I adore my family and I know they love me to bits too. Mr WLB is a wonderful chap and we have a great life, full of laughs but full of trials and tribulations…these make us stronger.
So my focus is on strength, not beauty. Not beauty in the traditional sense, but beauty in the sense of inner beauty. My focus now is on leading a healthy life in which I make a difference. You can have it all when you learn to love yourself for who you are, not what your dress size is. That might sound corny but it is true!
I think the focus for us has to be on being comfortable with who we are, what we have to offer – which is bloody loads, before you start doubting yourself – and what life gives us now…we need to love life now, because all being slimmer will give us is the ability to fit into smaller clothes, smaller chairs, and smaller spaces…the same shit will still be there regardless of your size!
Right then, that’s it from me today. If you are a Pilates or Yoga lover – or just like nice little soft leather shoes – then please check out my latest review…it’s been a while since I have recommended a ‘product’. These little shoes are ace though! So today has involved Pilates – in my new shoes – a visit to the horses which included worming, poo samples, a pony ride for my niece, and a drive around the field in Freddie Freelander for my nephew…who just kept driving through the horse poo! Then we went to the shops and then came home to have a cupboard clear out…some flavour-shake sachets and Options with a use by date of 2008…so a fair bit was cleared and thrown out. This evening will involve some more episodes of ‘Orange is the New Black’ and me finding some new recipes for my Facebook page, whilst Mr WLB goes to my brother in laws house to watch the football.
Another lovely food day! Just a couple of bananas before breakfast to fuel my Pilates session. Then it was my favourite smoked salmon scrambled eggs with toasted rolls, wilted spinach, and cherry tomatoes. Dinner was pork chops, roasted butternut squash, green beans, tenderstem broccoli, and the BBQ sauce from the pulled pork recipe…and I added my HEA cheese to the pork – lush! My evening snack was my ‘cheat’ – 0% Total Greek yogurt, Asda frozen cherries, and cocoa Nakd bars.
Exercise: 60 minutes Pilates.
Thank you for reading,
Weight Loss Bitch xxx