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3Jul

“I never look back darling, It distracts me from the now”- Edna Mode (The Incredibles)

I’ve chosen today’s quote from Disney Words a twitter account that I follow because it reminds me of films I’ve watched way back  when that reminds me of my childhood. It also comes out with some quotes that made me think about what it was like to be an adolescent and to see that life can change at the drop of a hat.

The quote I’ve selected sort of contradicts what Sazzle’s blog is all about because by now you can probably see that the majority of the material I write about is about my past and how the world of acceptance can be a place where we tend to deviate from out of fear of the unknown.

Today I decided to take a different direction a one where the thought of looking back is something I’d like to choose of my own accord and not because I failed to accept myself for me.

Ask yourself the following questions before reading on..

Are you a person who dwells on their past?

Do you find you get into this pattern of wishing you had more whether it be in a materialistic way or that you could just click your fingers and be a different you?

I know I have. I know I have compared my life against others and thought to myself “What if?” to be honest as I look back I think to myself what the bloody hell was I thinking.

Yep I wanted slimmer thighs, to fit into shoes that I adored only to be disappointed that I had the flattest feet known to man, to  erase Epilepsy that at the time I could have quite happily given the middle finger to, a little win on the national lottery and the drive to want to pursue a degree however what would it have achieved?

Would I be any better of a person? Would I have been happier or would once I had this be striving for the next bigger and better thing?

We could all sit and live a life of what if’s however what you see on the outside isn’t necessarily what’s going on behind closed doors. As I’ve said in the past Is the grass always greener on the other side?

As I read what character Edna Mode came out with it can be greeted with a mixed response.

This is partly down to the fact that we can smile at the fact that the past has brought so many memories that we don’t want to remove however the future is a one of can lead to great expectation, an expectancy on yourself to be bigger, better, stronger; A one where we are yet to get to the finish line and aren’t quite certain what’s in store for us hence the mixed response.

Lately I went to Paris with my husband for a mini getaway. Before hand we went to London to blend in with the hustle and bustle whist seeing what our nation’s capital had to offer.

As I arrived in Paris a couple of days later and visited the various sites I stood before the foot of the Eiffel tower and thought to myself what it would be like to leave the past alone. What it would be like to accept the positives and negatives in life and pass them off as an experience.

Whether it be Epilepsy related or not I wondered whether this small change could make me realise that life has so much more to offer than homing in our negatives and allowing this to defer us from the path we want to make for ourselves.

I also thought what it would be like if we all looked at ourselves and thought you know what we may not always have to like what we see however you’re unique in your own way therefore instead of looking back why can’t we just be? Why can’t we just say “Hey I don’t want to be like everyone else, I don’t want to just be a number I want to be me therefore why can’t I be proud of who I am”

When we think of our Epilepsy only three words enter my mind. Uncertainty, doubt, fear.

To take medication can be a fucking nightmare particularly when you’ve been dashing about and forget to take a tablet because you’re mind can feel like it’s bouncing off all four walls because you’re wondering when the next seizure will happen.

These are two of the many questions that enter can become the norm when you’re tackling a condition and it can become rather overwhelming at times. As I think of those examples instead of thinking of what I turned into I think to myself that you can only do what you can do with the tools that you have.

Everyone makes mistakes and when it comes to your condition you’re bound to at some stage make decisions that you wish you could eradicate however at the time they were right for you therefore all you can do is accept this and move on.

Many reading will look at this and say “Hold on a minute Saz you’ve been down this road before, what’s right for you may not be right for me” and you’re absolutely right however as I’m growing older it’s become apparent that dwelling on the past can only lead to additional worry  therefore accept what is and move on otherwise this can in some cases have repercussions on your health something no one wants.

Epilepsy is a condition that can cause havoc on your mind and can on occasion give you that sense of holding on to the moments where you were at your strongest in order to move forward  however as many people have written before me Epilepsy shouldn’t define you.

On a personal level I’ve thought for a while now that you are your own person with your own thoughts. Your personality should be your drive not solely the Epilepsy. Your condition is a part of you however you are who you want to be not what your Epilepsy wants you to be.

As for the remainder of my week….

Well I think I pretty much summed it up just there. The holiday was a remarkable experience and a one where although dark clouds brought out the umbrella on occasion I have to say that I fell in love with Paris.

Being one of the most romantic capitals of the world I witnessed the language that made me have to second guess what people were saying and before dabbling in with a few Bonjours, sil vous plait’s and a couple of merci’s myself whilst asking for a beer (or two) I looked at the Parisian way of life and thought to myself that I could quite happily return to visit yet more of the sites France had to offer and possibly buy a beret next time to compliment my nautical blouse.

As for my exercise this resumed on Tuesday and immediately I’m feeling better. The Nutribullet is being used and my fruit intake has increased since returning.

Eating bread after bread after bread has bloated me senseless. Combine that with copious amounts of brie, steak and potatoes can only lead to one thing… Me feeling rather beige, nice at the time but beige. Throw in some chocolate for good measure and it’s safe to say the diet was rather shit. Since returning I have been doing rather well and hope to keep it that way.

To conclude today’s post. Win by being sensible but ultimately live for the now so you can help assist your future.

There’s no need to look back because you’ve been there, done that, worn the Tshirt and probably watched the DVD a fair few times by now. There’s a sense of beauty when you see someone who’s confident and appreciative of who they are whilst being humble, to see what they stand for without aggression, to delve in to what they’re passionate about and to see them oozing what I would call the acceptance factor that can only derive from experience.

Looking back can be a marvellous thing when thinking about the times that stand out for all the right reasons however kicking yourself for times that aren’t so good cannot be what defines you. If we all looked back where would we be? I have therefore made the conscious decision to not look back. Are you with me?

 

 

 

 

 

 

  

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