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9Sep

“Laughter is the brush that sweeps away the cobwebs of your heart”- Mort Walker.

Bloody hell how long has it been since I’ve been on here?

I think my laptop is officially giving me a grilling because I haven’t blogged for so long however better late than never I suppose.

First and foremost where on earth do I start?

As Julie Andrews said in the Sound of Music let’s start from the very beginning a very good place to start.

Actually I’m not going to break into song like the Von Trapp family singers however what I will do is cut to the chase and explain why I’ve chosen this evening’s quote.

Well..

This evening’s quote has been chosen for a variety of reasons however the one that tends to stick out the most is that laughter is one of the things that makes the world go round. Preferably when you ask anyone that question they usually say money.

Yes money can bring you happiness however laughter is usually the one word that can make a day, can enhance your mood but better still can shift you off the sofa and make you move your arse like never before.

When I think of laughter I think of happiness, humour but usually the one thing that really makes me laugh hysterically is when someone farts in the corner. People may say that’s ever so uncouth but I’m a northerner and a significant amount of simple things make me laugh. I cannot help myself. That’s just who I am.

People may question what on earth farting has to do with Epilepsy awareness however I thought I’d slot that one in because it’s about laughter isn’t it? Never mind.

Another reason why I’ve chosen to incorporate this quote into tonight’s post is because lately I’ve been on a right downer.

My mood hasn’t been the usual bubbly cheeky sort of Saz you all know but a one where my shakes have dominated the situation, my mind has been over analysing and in true Saz fashion the insecurities have dawned their stubborn streak and made me doubt where life is going for me.

It’s safe to say the shakes have tested my patience and made me feel insecure as to whether a seizure is standing there with it’s balaclava around the corner ready to jump out at me at any given time.

Medication wise I’ve been extremely tired and as for my demeanour well it’s a cross between being a worrier and being lazy. I can see this and quite literally isn’t my cup of tea.

Over the course of the past few months life has somewhat got in the way and happiness has taken a back seat.

Today whilst browsing through my phone I started to think about the words you guys have given me in the past, the advice from friends, family and everyone in between that at present have felt like they’ve been my lifeline spurring me on and giving me support and the knowing that whatever happens there’s never a problem that cannot be solved.

Before long I started thinking about life as a whole and what obstacles we must face during our lives to fathom out who we are and what makes us happy.

Immediately the question of “How can my epilepsy make me happy” can jump into the equation however if Epilepsy is a part of you why should you stop you stop being you because you have it?

Instead of feeling like a whirlwind has quite literally taken over your entire thought pattern why don’t we just laugh?

Why won’t we just think of that moment in our lifetime where we have been in absolute hysterics and have that chuckle to ourselves to lighten the mood?

Surely being serious 24/7 isn’t going to accomplish anything (trust me I’ve been there) and by laughing isn’t this not the catalyst to seeing what sort of individual you are full of vitality, pizazz and strength.

Isn’t it about realising that we have to take the rough with the smooth and just be who we want to be?

Lately my strength has been tested in more ways than one. Things haven’t quite felt right because of my emotional connection with the shaking episodes and merge this with our general routine, elements of stress that comes into our lives and you’re bound to feel a tad deflated.

When I was diagnosed with Epilepsy I didn’t know how to react, who to tell, who I felt I could open up to and whether I could ever look at myself as normal. It’s safe to say my heart back then felt a little uncertain as to what was round the corner and the cobwebs would start to show because of my naivety when discussing a subject that I didn’t quite understand until I got older.

It’s only now I see that everyone has their own lives to lead and unfortunately they won’t always mirror with your own.

Whether it was discussing my Epilepsy or anything else causing distress laughter was the one thing that could bring me up from a rough episode and seeing people around me in support groups sharing the same condition but with that element of positivity made me see that life isn’t all that bad. It can only feel that way when negativity sinks in and life becomes a tad mundane.

Whilst thinking today I decided that in order to break free from my current thought pattern that I would need to take responsibility for my current actions, to accept that life can be difficult and that this is normal.

Instead of feeling pitiful and all woe to me I would decide to get up and to stop feeling sorry for myself. I would look at who I was and not what other people wanted me to be or what others perceived I should be.

I therefore decided to get my trainers on, exercise, make inroads into starting to eat healthier again, exfoliate like there’s no tomorrow and don my favourite vintage blazer and prove to myself that I won’t let this way of feeling affect me any longer. And you know what after I’d achieved all those mini victories I felt bloody marvellous.

Even if it was for only a couple of hours that in itself was my interpretation of actions speaking louder than words and knowing that whatever happens I’ll be ok and If I’m ok then I know you will be too.

As for the remainder of the week..

Well I’ve pretty much described it in a nutshell.

It’s been rather pants to say the least however I’m learning to realise that I’m stronger than I think and that whatever the outcome be with my shakes that there’s always someone in life going through something far worse therefore I ought to count my blessings and start to accept myself for who I am.

I’m off work for the remainder of the week therefore I’ve got just under a week to keep this momentum going and to make myself feel that bit happier. Hell I may even have to watch some of the old television classics to keep me laughing all day!

Exercise wise the intention is to start as I mean to go on particularly with Shaun T telling me to do the usual up centre back centre exercise regime. The same rules apply with the food. Goodbye chips, hello broccoli.

To conclude today’s post.

I’ll leave you with another quote that I think adds to the theme of tonight’s post and that is..

“Hope.. Sometimes that’s all you have when you have nothing else. If you have it you have everything”

Therefore merge the two quotes about hope and laughter. Isn’t that all we ever need? I’ll leave you to answer that yourself.

  

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