There are certain moments in life that make all the hard work worth it. It’s like reaching the top of the mountain (I imagine since I’ve never actually climbed one) or finishing a big race (once again, only speculation). Yesterday was one of those moments.
Im a big girl now. Yesterday afternoon, I signed with a company for a post graduation job. It is an absolutely amazing opportunity and I could not be more blessed for be given this job. As I signed for the job and scanned it into my computer, I would be lying if I didn’t feel a sense of pride and excitement. But I also felt an overwhelming sense of uncertainty.
It’s not the job that scares me; It’s my body. I am blessed to have been equipped with the skills necessary to succeed at the job, but I cannot help but think, “what happens if my body turns against me?” What happens if I flare while I’m working? I don’t often voice these concerns and those around me probably have no idea that I’m truly concerned about these issues, but I would be naive to have not even thought about them.
Just Breath. I have to remind myself to just keep breathing. Because although it is good to think about these concerns, they can quickly become paralyzing. When I let these fears paralyze me and keep me from trying, then I am letting my disease win.
Not to say that I’m not worried, but ya know what? If I get sick, then I get sick, and I’ll deal with it one day at a time.