talkhealth Blog

What did I learn this past year?  This question keeps running through my mind, yet I am having a hard time finding an answer.   I know I had to have learned something, but what?

I could say I learned that I am stubborn, but I already knew that.   I could also say how determined I am, but once again, I already knew that.

Ah I got it, this year I learned how to access my own port.  Inflicting pain on yourself is hard to do and even with numbing cream, sticking a needle into your chest can be extremely painful.   I honestly never thought I would be able to access my own port, but when I was only doing TPN every 3 nights, it seemed silly to be accessed all the time, so I decided to give it a try.

Yes it hurt and no it was not fun, but at the same time, I felt an overwhelming sense of accomplishment for being able to complete a sterile procedure and inflict pain on myself.  At first I was just accessing twice a week, but now it is sometimes every day depending on if I need to shower or not.  A year ago, I never thought I would be capable of accessing my own port, but yet here I am today, still not eating, but able to enjoy life more due to the ability to be de-accessed whenever I need to be!

I am sure I learned other things in 2014 but the port is a great example of how sometimes we can do things we never thought were possible.  Sure that sounds cliche and maybe it is, but with my illness it is something that I actually discover anew fairly frequently.

So what does this mean for 2015?  It means that I have no idea of what could happen in the next year, but that God has blessed me with everything I need to address each situation as it presents itself in my not so normal life.