talkhealth Blog

Okay…so it wasn’t the ceiling…but I did dance and there was a bit of Lionel involved!

I will let Mr WLB fill you in, as he wrote his words first thing this morning and so must be keen to share them with you!…

“Hey everyone! I couldn’t resist coming on here today to let you know what happened yesterday evening. We attempted to go to a show at our local theatre for the first time together.

WLB was in a very bad mood yesterday. It was because she was so nervous about fitting in the seats at the theatre. At over 43st there would have been no way of being able to go and do something like this. The short walk from the car park alone would have killed her. Unless you have had a serious weight problem people have no idea what it’s like.

I hate to admit it, but inside I was feeling really nervous for WLB. I’d gone to a show earlier on in the week as a test drive to see what the seats were like. I just wasn’t sure if they would be big enough.

Before leaving for the show I said to her, ‘Look, if the seats are too small it’s fine as we can just go home and I will be immensely proud of you regardless. If you don’t go tonight you will be even more annoyed with yourself than not trying. If you can’t fit into the seat tonight, then you will do six months from now. It’s all part of the journey.’ You have to sometimes go through bad experiences to then experience amazing ones.

Putting yourself outside your comfort zone is no easy task. I can relate to it. I suffered very badly with anxiety and panic attacks which aren’t as visible as a weight condition. But I still have my demons and I guess everyone does. It’s what makes us human.

As she was worried about the seating arrangements, WLB wanted to get there early to scope the place out. We sat outside the doors to the theatre for what seemed like an age. We were umm’ing and ahh’ing about asking one of the ushers if we could quickly go in and see if she could fit into the seats.

WLB said ‘Sod it, I’m going to ask if I can go in and check it out.’

In what seemed like an audition for the X-Factor, WLB got up and spoke to an usher and eventually went through two large wooden doors which closed behind her. My heart started to beat fast. A voice inside my head was saying, ‘Please, please, please let the seats be okay!’

It felt like an eternity before WLB reappeared from behind the wooden doors – with a beaming smile on her face, excitedly blurting out the words, ‘It’s fine, it’s fine the seats are okay!’

To say I was relieved and thrilled was an understatement. It had been years since we had gone out on a Saturday evening together! I will admit that it bought a tear to my eye. I felt on cloud nine. It was another giant step towards reaching her goals.

Before embarking on this weight loss journey WLB would say that life wouldn’t be any good until she reached target. What we have found has been the polar opposite. She now goes to the gym at least six times a week and can now go out and about. The transformation has been amazing. Yes, she still has a very large amount of weight to lose but it’s not just about what you see from the outside. It’s about an incredible internal mindshift…WLB thinks anything is achievable.

Sometimes you may think that WLB is too positive and that things are too perfect but believe me there was a time when she was at absolute rock bottom! She still has her moments which make my life tougher! Things don’t change overnight and do take time to address. Through living with WLB and seeing what she does I’d say the greatest bit of advice I could give in terms of losing weight is about educating the mind. I firmly believe if WLB can lose weight after literally being psychologically and physically addicted to food anyone CAN! I have seen her make some incredible changes, via incremental steps and not expecting miracles overnight.

What I don’t want is for anyone else to ever get to this position. To see someone go through so much because of their weight is horrible. WLB never thought she would get to 43st – but it can really creep up on you and have devastating consequences. It’s not just the person who is overweight that can be affected.

The show was very good and WLB and I had an amazing time!

WLB can be a funny bugger at times as some people in front of us were standing up dancing and blocking her view. I used a quote that WLB says to me a lot ‘don’t be such a miserable C U Next Tuesday and just enjoy being out’. WLB really has toughened me up over the years :-)’

Well…Mr WLB has pretty much said it all. As you saw in yesterday’s blog, I was in a spleen-venting corker of a mood and this all stemmed from my insecurities about going out.

I arrived early, as his lordship pointed out, and spoke to an usher. This was quite a funny conversation – I told her that I had lost over 18st but was petrified that I still wouldn’t fit in the seats, and could I quickly sit in one so that if I didn’t fit, I could leave before anyone else saw me trying to squeeze in. Her face was just blank…and she muttered something about having to do an announcement. Another of my pet hates is jobsworth people…so I just stood in front of her with a smile on my face and raised eyebrows and pointed out the fact that there was a chair less than a second away…I don’t think it was particularly menacing or rude, but she let me in fairly quickly!

The relief when my arse cheeks slid in the seat was overwhelming! She was incredibly underwhelmed…as Mr WLB said, unless you have been in that situation you will never appreciate it.

So the nerves over the seating actually got me through my nerves of being out in public. It’s all well and good going to the gym and to Slimming World groups and to university…these are fairly ‘safe’ environments really. Last night, I could think of nothing but the seating, and was sat amongst a huge crowd of people. In fact, I felt so good when I realised that I could fit, that I was swishing my hair around like I’d just stepped out of a salon and smiling at everyone. By that point in time, I couldn’t give a toss what anyone thought of me as I felt great.

People watching is a habit of mine – I love observing various social goings on…and I came to the conclusion last night that there will always be better and worse lookers, and there will always be on another planet’ers and the more straight laced – and as long as I am somewhere in the middle of that lot, then I am happy…you should just bloody well get on with living life.

As I sat there, explaining what Motown music was all about to Mr WLB whilst holding hands with him – kind of…I am not a public display of affection person – if just felt so good to be out. The music started and was great – I unleashed my singing much to Mr WLBs amusement, as he says that my singing voice is an American one. And yes, I did get peed off that a few people got up and danced…you are told to do this in the aisles, and it was blocking the view of loads of people behind me…but I joined in with the ass shaking when the encore song was on and it was quite good fun!

I am now really looking forward to the other events that we have booked – thank feck I fitted in those chairs, as they don’t offer refunds and I bought loads of tickets on a more confident evening…the ease of Internet bookings has a lot to answer for!

So 2014 has got off to a cracking start. This time last year, I was hiding away and doing nothing but attending Slimming World and seeing the horses…so far in 2014 I have been walking and hill climbing in the Scottish Highlands, been going to the gym and swimming, been off to university, public speaking at Slimming World groups, and now I have been to the theatre. It makes me wonder what else 2014 has to offer if I am willing to go out there and grab the opportunities!

After that eventful evening, we had a lazy morning before checking on the horses and popping quickly to the shop. I then went to see my sister and the kids…which is always fun – I was roped in for jewellery-making and colouring. And then it has been a quiet evening with me searching the cupboard to find my drivers licence as I have got my speed awareness course tomorrow!

Breakfast: Porridge with bananas and vanilla prunes (8 syns).Lunch: Butternut squash, carrot and chilli soup with cheese and spinach pittas (HEA and 2 x HEB).Dinner: Stuffed butternut squash with smoked river cobbler.Snacks: Fruyo cherry yogurt (2 syns) with fruit and a mini Green & Blacks bar (4 syns).Brekkie was good. I used some of the new vanilla prunes with my porridge and banana combo – you can have 75g as a HEB – but I just synned the amount I had, 3 syns for the prunes and 5 syns for the porridge sachet, as I wanted to use my HEBs at lunch. Lunch was the same recipes as I used last week – onions, butternut squash, carrots, garlic and chilli – and I had pittas stuffed with cheese and spinach to go with the soup. Dinner was good. Some leftover veggie sauce from last night with couscous, half a roasted butternut squash and some smoked river cobbler. My yogurt was lush…I am in love with Fruyo…such a creamy yogurt and I reckon it’s well worth the 2 syns instead of having watery bloody yogurt…and I promise that I am not just saying that because they gave me freebies to try!

Exercise: Nothing today – a lovely day of rest!

Thank you for reading,

Weight Loss Bitch xxx

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WeightLossBitch

On a health and fitness driven journey to lose over 32st / 448lbs / 203kgs – yes, it is a considerable amount – I am committed to losing my excess weight without the aid of weight loss surgery, diet pills, or quick fixes…as there aren’t any! Changing my eating habits and building up my fitness levels, along with addressing the ‘head issues’ will be crucial in order for me to achieve my goal. Living in England as a 31 year old super morbidly obese woman can be challenging to say the least. I have been shouted at in the street and verbally abused far too many times to mention; hence the name ‘Weight Loss Bitch’…the day I am just called a ‘bitch’ instead of a ‘fat bitch’ will be the day that I know I have cracked my weight loss! With many reasons to lose this weight I am documenting my journey for a number of reasons. Firstly, I would like to keep a record of the ups and downs, the highs and lows, and the challenges I face with such an enormous task to tackle. Secondly, I would also like to inspire and encourage other people who are in a similar situation and to show them that significant amounts of weight can be lost naturally…with a bit of motivation, hard work, dedication and will power. Thirdly, all of the blogging, Facebook-ing, Tweet-ing, Pinterest-ing and YouTube-ing keeps me occupied and keeps my fingers out of the fridge!